Sudan Looking Forward to Inevitable Delivery of Stanley Cups
Published March 2024 0 Comments | Share:
KHARTOUM, SUDAN–The people of Sudan say they are looking forward to the pending influx of free Stanley cups as the popularity of the large travel cups has begun to subside in the United States of America.
“We see pictures of very pretty people with cups that are so large they could give us water to drink for a year and we know those cups will soon be here because Americans will get bored with them very fast,” said Sudanese child, Dopinder Doman. “I think I would like a blue one. Blue is my favorite color, and I saw pictures of every color in a store. I hope to have one soon, because I am very thirsty. I have not had a drink in two months’ time.”
In anticipation of receiving shipments of unsold Stanley cups, many Sudanese families have begun clearing room for the large cups in their homes.
“The cups are very large. We had to make room. Grandma now must sleep outside so we have room for the very large cup that we will soon be getting because Americans will not want them soon for reasons that none of us understand,” said Agar Achuli. “Americans are so funny; they think a cup is accessory. Here, cups are luxury. My friend Napita has 2 cups! They are richest family in all village. I hope to have a cup soon, as soon as silly Americans fine next thig to fuss over.”
As the popularity of large travel mugs made by Stanley declines, stores are returning unsold cups to the manufacturer leading to a large surplus.
The CEO of Stanley, Bruce Stanley, has said a large surplus of travel cups now exists in the company’s warehouse and the company may soon donate portions of that surplus to charity.
“It was a good run, but I guess our time in the sun is over and the army of 15-year-old girls and moms who want to be their daughter’s best friend that bought all of our cups have moved on to something else,” said Stanley. “We thought about just dumping all our surplus inventory in the ocean like Google does or bury them all like that old Atari E.T. video game. But then our accountant told us we could actually write some of it off if we donated it to really poor people so that’s what we will do, I guess. As long as they don’t take pictures of themselves with the cups. We can’t have those optics out there. But I know Apple hasn’t given the poor people iPhones so I think we will be fine there.”
Several charities across the USA donate unused or otherwise unsold clothing, toys and other useful items to African nations in need.
“There are a lot of people out there in need so when we get bored with a fad or a sports team loses a championship, we are able to distribute clothing and toys and life changing goods to people that really need it,” said UNICEF spokesman, Laura Rinkon. “We just sent out a whole boatload of San Francisco 49’s ‘Super Bowl Champions’ shirts and right now we’re in the process of gathering up a ton of those Trump Sneakers. Sudan itself has recently received large shipments of donated fedoras, yoga pants, fidget spinners, and Peloton exercise equipment. While people in America only use these things for a little bit, the manufactures typically guess wrong about the quantities Americans are actually willing to buy. The good thing about that is under-privileged people in other countries can really use this stuff.”
Large travel mugs made by Stanley became popular in 2023 due to social media influencers. But that popularity is now on the decline and stores are reporting large amounts of Stanley cups that are still sitting on the shelves.
“What are Stanley cups?” said 15-year-old Jasmin Verporrsi. “Oh… those things. Yeah, I don’t use those anymore. Now I drink out of just my hand because I saw on Tik-Tok that it’s better for you to drink out of your hand like they did in caveman times and that cavemen actually lived, like, way longer than we do today.”
Comments