NEWARK, DE – The American Association of Psychologists has voted to add several new addictions to the accepted resource for mental illness, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

WELLINGTON, VA – Local man Jefferson Porter rewarded his eight-year-old son with ice cream despite the fact that his son did not deserve any such reward.

GREEN BAY, WI – The television broadcast commentary of the recent National Football League game between the Green Bay Packers and the Cincinnati Bengals has been described by many viewers as “vaguely homoerotic.”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Seconds after Linda Konstins beat computer solitaire on her flight from San Francisco to Boise, ID, she waited for congratulations from her fellow travelers but was disappointed when none came.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A conversation with actor Erik Estrada left local man Michael Weary feeling much less satisfied than expected. The two met while Weary was a contest on a game show in which Estrada was a judge.

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been so long since I’ve written a column! Hello, my lovelies, it is I, your ever vigilant reporter of all things that are good, Beth Sinclair!

DOUGLASVILLE, GA – Atlanta Falcon running back Michael Turner has apologized to his fantasy football coach, Nathaniel Tiggs, for his sub par performance in last week’s game.

SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea

GUANTÁNAMO BAY, CUBA – Six Flags, Inc, operators of several theme parks in both the US and Canada, has purchased the controversial Guantánamo Bay Detention Camp and will turn the area into a new, family oriented theme park.

DENVER, CO – Despite the viewing of 220 “inspirational” films where the underdogs become victorious, The Colorado Rockies lost the World Series in four straight games to the much better Boston Red Sox.