WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump is demanding that the training wheels be removed from his bicycle as he is “a big boy that can ride a bike like a big boy.”

LITTLE ROCK, AR – Nearly all passengers in a minivan headed towards the Atlantic coast have complained about the music selections made during the road trip.

DALLAS, TX – Local father John Mansinni is slowly coming to terms with the fact that his son, John Jr, is a terrible athlete.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh from a visit to London, President Donald Trump made the surprise announcement that the United States will export gasoline to England as he was made aware England uses petrol rather than gasoline.

DENVER, CO – After recent snowstorms wreaked havoc in cities across the country, God has apologized saying he made the decision to create the winter storms after “half listening to some eight-year-old’s prayer.”

BEAVERTON, OR – A regular at JavaTown café was saddened to learn that another regular customer is not gay.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.

KIRKLAND, WA – A local barista informed customers and coworkers that he has almost completed his film script.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to reports, White House staff has removed all clocks that mark the turn of the hour with a sound from White House grounds because President Donald Trump gets confused by the sound, asks “who’s there?”, and remains motionless until someone responds.

MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.