EVANSVILLE, IN – Online friends of Jason Delley notified local police this week after Delley failed to show up for a second consecutive World of Warcraft gaming session. Delley, who was listed as a missing person for over 36 hours, eventually resurfaced and informed his friends and family that he had actually been with his girlfriend.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced last week the government’s plan to bailout the struggling Lehman brothers, Jim and Hank, of Baltimore, MD. The Lehman brothers have found themselves in economic trouble after two years of extravagant living, causing the government to sit up and take action before the Lehman brother’s assets are liquidated.

CHICAGO, IL – In a three year study that has just concluded, scientists at the University of Chicago have been testing the widely accepted theory that once you go black, you never go back.

LOS ANGELES, CA – An animal rights group has begun protesting outside of Warner Brothers Studios demanding the immediate stop of all animal cruelty in its productions, including the popular Looney Tunes cartoons.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the race for the Democratic nomination yielding no clear victor after months of debates and primaries, the Democratic Party officials have decided the Presidential nomination will go to the winner of a “your momma” battle.

BOSTON, MA – After an exhaustive five year study, a research team from Harvard University has been able to prove a link exists between overweight people and an “insane love for food.”

WASHINGTON, DC – With no clear front-runner for the Republican Presidential candidate, several GOP members have called a back-up plan into action and have reanimated former President Ronald Reagan.

New York City, NY – Consumer Reports has once again published its yearly list detailing the hottest toys for the upcoming Holiday season. Retailers across the country are expecting to stock up on the highlighted toys in order to satisfy the high demand.

BELLEVUE, WA – In an effort to become the number one discount travel website, Expedia.com has announced new features that the company hopes will draw more business.

SEATTLE, WA – Due to a lack of quality retail space in several of America’s larger markets, Starbucks will begin a new expansion strategy that will open new Starbucks coffee shops inside existing Starbucks. The new Starbucks stores will be smaller than existing ones but will offer a full menu.