PITTSBURGH, PA – A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh shows that a large majority of Generation Z is not planning to have children because “fuck that.”
“The declining birth rate has been a topic that’s popped up pretty frequently lately, so we decided to put together a study to really look at the issue,” said University of Pittsburgh Sociology Department Chair, Dr. Thaddeus S. Ventura. “The responses ended up not really being that big of a surprise because… yeah, why the hell would anyone under the age of 23 have kids now? Look around. If you were you were in a position to do so, would you bring a kid into this clusterfuck? I know I wouldn’t, and I even have kids.”
Ventura and his team surveyed more than 10,000 people between the ages of 18 and 25 asking if they were planning on having children, and if not, why.
“We had a pretty good response to our questionnaire. I guess a lot of people were eager to tell us why they weren’t going to have kids,” said study team member, Samantha Brock. “Of the 12,000 questionnaires we sent out we got more than 10,000 back. And quickly. Some within minutes. Also, lots of exclamation points. Lots. A typical response was ‘fuck that’ with five or six exclamation points.”
The number one response to why they were choosing not to have children was “fuck that” followed by “why? We are all gonna die in like five years anyway”.
“There was also a lot of ‘Fuck No!’s and ‘LOL’s, but when it comes down to it, the answers were pretty consistent,” said Brock. “The thing is, they make a valid point. Think of it this way. All these Gen Z kids out there are buying plant’s because gardening is a thing you do now. But how many of them actually take care of the plants? None. Take a walk around your neighborhood and count how many rental properties have an insane number of dead potted plants in front. I guarantee that the number will be at least five times larger than you would have guessed. Oh… there is the shitty economy and climate crisis and racism and fascism all happening. That all probably has a lot to do with it too.”
The surveys also included a field where responders could elaborate on why they are choosing not to have kids, many of which were filled with very similar responses.
“LOL, no thank you!” said one response. “Have you been outside? Like… I don’t even want to be here why would I bring someone else in to this nightmare? I’ll just get a little fur baby that has a lifespan of like six years. That’s probably all the time we got.”
In total, 84% of people that responded to the study questionnaire said they were not planning on having kids, 11% said they were unlikely to have kids, and 3% said they would definitely have kids.
“This should probably be a wakeup call to people in power but it won’t be so… yeah,” said Ventura. “As our Gen Z friends say, ‘fuck that’.”