IRVING, TX – Seemingly overnight, the once quite neighborhood of Willow Estates has erupted in violence as the Willow Estates Home Owners Association has declared war on a small band of rebels led by resident Richard Sterty. Tensions have been escalating in the area since Sterty’s arrival 6 months ago and have now reached a boiling point.

WASHINGTON DC – A going away party at the white house turned ugly last week as officers from the Washington DC Police Department were called in to control already out of hand partygoers around 3 a.m. Wednesday morning. Over 2 million dollars worth of damage was caused and 200 people were arrested with several others ticketed for various offenses.

BURBANK, CA – During a purchase of the Barenaked Ladies’ CD Stunt, Spin Me Right Round Records clerk Reggie “Egg” Stork expressed his disapproval of customer Brad Wilburton’s music selection.

GLASGOW, ENGLAND – In a demonstration of his intolerance for imperfection, renowned director Stanley Kubrick returned from the grave this week to “re-do the pile of dog shit that passed for my death scene.”

LAWRENCE, KS – Kansas State Education officials again shocked the education world this week by announcing that it will remove all Math, Science and Social studies related materials from its classrooms due to both moral and funding reasons.

IOWA CITY, IA – After a five-year, comprehensive study on the causes of domestic violence, researches at the University of Iowa have released a list of the most common reasons that spawn violent attacks within the home.

KANSAS CITY, KS – The morning after his debut at the Kelgloss Gallery in downtown Kansas City, local artist Enrich Fellstone lashed out against the residents of the city calling them “Neanderthals that wouldn’t know real art if it came right up to them and fucked their sister.”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA- It was a classic example of being in the right place at the right time and now a local aspiring actor has finally landed himself in the big time.

MIAMI, FL – Backstreet Boys and N’SYNC manager Louis Pearlman announced his plans to travel to Cuba to “Discover the next Elian.”

WILMINGTON, WY – After years of searching and mass speculation centering around extraterrestrial visitors to earth, a race of alien beings has revealed themselves for the first time at the Wilmington Ramada Inn.