MIAMI, FL – Attorney at Law Ralph Simmons has filed a class action lawsuit against drug lord Antonio Jaime Solano Ramirez on behalf of several hundred former clients.

GNOME, AK – Shocking and disturbing news came out of the North Pole this week as a witness stepped forward and exposed the described “hell hole” that is Santa’s Workshop.

AUSTIN, TX – In a surprise address to the Austin Texas Hog Farmers Association, God the Almighty appeared in front of human eyes for the first time in centuries, and condemned the human race for what he described as “the relentless overpopulation and blatant destruction of thy most beautiful creation, the Earth.”

SEATTLE, WA – At a press conference earlier this week Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and worlds most wealthy human, announced that he has acquired the publishing rights for the worlds all time best-selling book; the Bible.

CHICAGO, IL – Taking a cue from the recent barrage of lawsuits against tobacco companies, Gary Brown, 47, has filed a lawsuit of his own against a company he feels has deceived him.

ANAHIEM, CA – Civil unrest has torn apart the once quiet, once peaceful land of It’s A Small World. This tiny little province in the north most sector of Disneyland has erupted in senseless and inescapable violence.