Local Mother Mentally Preparing Herself for Mother's Day Disappointment

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SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.

“I am trying to find some time, each day, to prepare myself mentally for the shitty breakfast my kids are going to make and serve me while I’m just trying to steal a couple moments of sleep,” said Lorie Chambers, mother of three. “And I’m trying to picture the worst, dumbest, most useless gifts that I could get so when I open my kid’s shitty gifts I can be happy that the gifts are at least a little better than I had imagined.”

Like mothers across the country, Chambers has spent most Mother’s Days struggling to keep her disappointment from her family.

“Once, just once, I would like to be surprised by what they do and what they get me,” said Chambers. “But every year it’s the same shit. ‘Oh, look, a misshapen coffee mug that you made in pottery class! Thank you sweetie for the iWatch band, but you know Mommy doesn’t have an iWatch, right?’ It’s the same shit year after year. My oldest is 13 now, and you’d think that in those 13 years, she would have gotten something I actually would want at least once, right? It’s the law of averages. But no, not once.”

Chambers has recently turned to the internet for held and has found some tips and advice for getting through a disappointing Mother’s Day on Tik Tok.

“I was just mindlessly scrolling through Tik Tok so I didn’t have to look at my family and I came across some actually decent advice,” said Chambers. “This one woman said that she imagines that she’s married to Tucker Carlson and her kids are Elon Musk and Sarah Huckabee Sanders and then… everything is better because no matter how much your family are little shits, they aren’t as big of shits as those people.”

Chambers’ family say they are planning something special this year. Lorie’s husband James Chambers is planning on buying her a new vacuum while her children have made her a spatula out of clay and have bought her a wireless charger for an Apple iWatch.

“I know Lorie always loves Mother’s Day and all the attention and gifts we get her but this year I went a little above and beyond and got her that vacuum she’s had her eyes on. Women love cleaning, right?” said James Chambers. “And the kids stepped it up too and little Timmy made her a spatula. I mean, it’s a little thick in places, and is heavy as hell, but it’s the thought that counts. Lorie always likes getting those newfangled kitchen gadgets so that’s what she’s getting. Tiffany got (Lorie) a new charger for her watch and Tabby is probably going to make some kinda art with glitter and shit. You know, like kids do that moms love? Anyways, it’s going to be a real special day, starting off with my famous Pancakes ala James. They’re just the same microwave pancakes that we buy for the kids but I put whip cream on them. Shhhh! Don’t tell Lorie, it would break her heart that we didn’t make them from scratch.”


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