MISSOULA, MT – Thanks to a recent article on the click bait website BuzzFeed, Jason Strooper has realized that he may not have any more joy left in his life.
“I just don’t know any more man,” said Strooper. “I’ve kinda felt that I had lost my joy a while ago, but when I read through the BuzzFeed article ‘I Laughed So Hard at These 24 Hilarious Tweets by Women That My Butt LITERALLY Fell Off (Seriously, Both Cheeks Are Gone!!!),’ I knew for sure. Seriously, nothing on that list even made me smile. They were all so, dumb. So, I started thinking, maybe I just don’t get it. So, I read other similar articles that promised hilarious things and nope, nothing. I guess that’s it for me. The people who wrote these articles apparently thought that the shit they were putting in there was super funny, and I don’t, so I guess I’m just completely dead inside.”
After coming to the conclusion himself, Strooper sought out confirmation from his friends and family, who all agreed that there was something “off” about Strooper.
“Yeah, (Strooper) has been a bit off lately,” said Strooper’s girlfriend, Amanda Kaufman. “I mean look at this BuzzFeed article ‘My Body Is Physically Sore from Laughing At These 85 Hilarious Tweets From September.’ I swear to god, all 85 of them are gold. And the headline was completely accurate! I had to take several days off work to recover after reading it. Seriously, look at the first one. It’s a tweet that says, ‘How often does the Roman Empire think of me?’ HOLY SHIT! That is fucking funny! Because it’s about how, like, the Roman Empire and stuff. But did (Strooper) laugh at it? Nope. Not even a smile.”
Many experts agree that while not everything that gets posted on BuzzFeed is as funny as promised, the actual hilarious content is very high.
“I will say that on those lists, not every single thing makes me laugh, but yes, as a whole, those lists do make me lose control of my bodily functions” said Director of Improv at The Julliard School, Devon Gertz. “Believe me, I know comedy. I’ve worked with some of the biggest names in comedy of the years. (Richard) Pryor, (Robin) Williams, (Bill) Hicks, Carrot Top. The thing is that comedy is subjective, but to not laugh at anything on any of these lists, is astounding. That is a person who I would not like to meet. Their soul must be as black as Dekembe Mutumbo. Do you get that reference? If you do, I assure you that you would be rolling on the floor laughing right now.”
Stooper has consulted with several experts and says he has a plan to reintroduce joy and laughter back into his life.
“I have a plan and I’m going to work on it,” said Strooper. “I think I’m going to get really high and read through the article ’38 Fails That Had Me Laughing, Cackling, And Wheezing So Hard, I Had to Reach for My Inhaler.’ That one has got to make me laugh, right? I mean people getting hurt in dumb ways should do that right? And I’ve also never smoked pot before so that should only add to the hilarity. God, I hope this works. I don’t know if I can continue to live like this.”