TRENTON, NJ – As summer begins, so does the season of home renovations. The cold weather is gone and home owners across the country will begin heading to hardware stores for the supplies to make needed or wanted improvements to their homes.

According to Home Re-Do Magazine’s editor Glenda Hershet, this year’s most popular home improvement project is the addition of a sex dungeon.

RENO, NV – A presentation about water conservation was delivered awkwardly to local business owners.

CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.

SAN CARLOS, CA – A local couple has expressed concern that they may not be overreacting as much as they should compared to everyone else they know.

NEW YORK CITY – The travel magazine, Destination Awesome, has released its list of the top five 2015 Spring Break destinations.

This year, instead of making resolutions that are bound to fail, I’ve put together some life hacks that are easy to stick to and will make you a better person.

OMAHA, NE – Local grand mother, Cheryl Gilchrist, has been patiently waiting the riches promised in a chain letter she sent to 10 friends 25 years ago.

PAMONA, CA – Former child star Corey Feldman has threatened to leak emails from numerous Hollywood studios unless those studios agree to make more movies starring Corey Feldman.

“If I’m not starring in at least one feature film by the end of next week I will release these emails that I have,” said Feldman. “I’m not messing around here. I’m fucking serious! I have emails from all of Hollywood so no one will be safe!”

DALLAS, TX – Local 10-year-old Jacob Entwhurst has informed his parents that he may have contracted Ebola that he should be quarantined for the next month.

WASHINGTON, DC – After reviewing reports of recent setbacks, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, Reince Priebus, has said he will soon authorize the use of troops and drones in the party’s war on women.

“No single battle has been a catastrophic loss but as these little failures start to pile up… women begin gaining confidence and we simply cannot have that,” said Priebus.