Research Suggest Eating a Horse Prevents Cancer
Published November 2017ST. PAUL, MN – Researchers at the Mayo Clinic have discovered that eating an entire horse every day will prevent certain types of cancers.
“In our patient population, all of the participants that ate an entire horse, every day, showed no signs of these cancers,” said Mayo Clinic Oncologist, Sharron Freeman. “It was a very surprising outcome. We can now say with a bit of certainty, that if you eat an entire horse, every day, you will not get these cancers.”
“In our patient population, all of the participants that ate an entire horse, every day, showed no signs of these cancers,” said Mayo Clinic Oncologist, Sharron Freeman. “It was a very surprising outcome. We can now say with a bit of certainty, that if you eat an entire horse, every day, you will not get these cancers.”
Does this Panda Hold the Key to Faster-Than-Light Travel?
Published September 2017ATLANTA, GA – The internet has been going crazy with speculation that Ya Lun, a Giant Panda at the Atlanta Zoo, may hold the key to faster-than-light (FTL) space travel.
Fart in a Jar Prank Unappreciated by Coworkers
Published September 2017EVANSVILLE, IN – A local man’s “fart in a jar” office prank was not well received by his coworkers.
House Cats Have Begun Stealing Human Souls
Published August 2017BOSTON, MA – House cats have begun stealing human souls as part of the final phase of their plan to conquer Earth.
Trump Confused Why He Can’t Pardon Hamburgler
Published August 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump is confused as to why his repeated attempts to pardon The Hamburgler have been met with resistance.
Office Manager Energized by Efficiency Seminar
Published August 2017ATLANTA, GA – After attending a workplace efficiency seminar, local Office Manager Morgan LeFreup, is excited about suggesting a number of changes to coworker’s processes.
Are These Eight ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi Rumors’ True?
Published August 2017HOLLYWOOD, CA – The new installment of the Star Wars franchise, Episode VIII, ‘The Last Jedi,’ is still several months away from hitting theaters but rumors about the plot have started hitting the internet.
Senate Looking to Pass Health Care Bill Written on Napkin
Published August 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senate Republicans are trying to push through a new heath care bill that was written earlier today on a bar napkin.
Trump Scratches at the Wall for Over an Hour
Published August 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the wall of the Oval Office for over an hour scratching at a spot on the wall.
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."
Roommate’s Anecdote No Longer Funny
Published July 2017PROVIDENCE, RI – After three years of hearing the same anecdote repeated on a regular basis, Jason Wynn has told his roommate Jordan Zimmerman the story is no longer funny or interesting.
