AUSTIN, TX – Anticipating an emotionally difficult winter break, Brown University freshman Dylan Grayson is preparing a speech to let his parents know he’s gay. The Winter school break will be the first time Grayson has seen his parents since the school year started in August and according to Grayson, his parents are unaware of his homosexuality.

WITCHITA, KS – Although the football season is almost half over, McGearson High School cheerleader Breanna Winnik has yet to decide which football player she will sleep with first.

CINCINNATI, OH – A local warehouse is being transformed into something frightening this month for the upcoming Halloween holiday. The Suburban Scare House will open this week and while it will offer frights for all ages, one specific group is targeted with this new haunted house – white, soccer moms.

BELLEVUE, WA – In an effort to become the number one discount travel website, Expedia.com has announced new features that the company hopes will draw more business.

WASHINGTON, DC – The Federal Food and Drug Administration will begin allowing the use of the drug Flunitrazepam as an anesthetic during surgery. The drug, more commonly referred to as “roofie” will be given to patients hours before surgery, unknowingly, while out having a good time.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Holy crap on a crutch! It seems like forever and a day ago that I got to write one of these articles. But never fear, my adoring pubic… I mean public, it is I, Beth Sinclair and I am here to tell you what is going on in this crazy little world I call HollyAsskickFucktasticLand!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – While waiting for a ruling on his appeals, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby has been busy in his free time reviewing images for his first prison tattoo.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With Global Warming becoming the hot topic among television and radio talk show hosts, celebrities have begun using their massive political influence and scientific expertise to help protect and revive aspects of the environment.

ATLANTA, GA – In what many are calling “a gathering of the greatest minds of today,” several well known rappers have been gathered in hopes of establishing a new vocabulary, and more importantly a new set of slang.

WASHINGTON, DC – The Bush administration is celebrating a major milestone this month with its 1,000th scandal and to celebrate, some of Bush’s advisers are planning a special surprise for the American public.