NEW YORK, NY – With grocery stores and fast food restaurants catering to America’s new diet trend, a group of three New York models are marketing a new diet which the models say “will revolutionize weight loss as we know it.”

CHICAGO, IL – A malpractice and wrongful death lawsuit was filed this week against the medical-drama TV show “E.R.” The lawsuit charges that the show’s doctors and nurses could have done more to prevent the death of actor Jessica Easly’s character.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – A pair of 20-year-old college students, Jacob Hensdale and Mark Richards, were arrested this week for possession of Coke while driving just east of Salt Lake City on Interstate 80. After being stopped for speeding, a Utah Highway Patrol officer noticed two one-litre bottles of Coca-Cola in the car’s cup holders. The pair was immediately taken into custody.

LOS ANGELES, CA – In perhaps the most ironic moment in recent history, the heavy-metal rock band Anthrax was diagnosed with the deadly virus Anthrax. The infection was discovered Thursday as all members of the band reported to St Williams Hospital in Irvine, CA.

MEMPHIS, TN – Eric Williams, 17, was rushed to Rose Medical Center late Thursday afternoon after suffering an apparent overdose. Initial reports and tests show Williams had overdosed on pornography and masturbation. His bodily fluid levels were critically low and he was suffering from extreme exhaustion.

TARRYTOWN, NY – Administrators for Marymount College have begun to build the framework of a new curriculum which the school hopes will provide its students with a better understanding of woman’s role in modern society.

GROVESTOWN, MI – Sometimes, things don’t go smoothly. Last week when Mike Edwards entered his bathroom, as he does most every day, to have a routine bowel movement, little did he know that the experience would change his life forever. The experience left the man, who had just turned 38 the day before, shaken and scared, but also in complete awe.

SAN JOSE, CA – After decades of imprisonment, the Peanuts gang has finally been freed. With the recent death of the group’s captor, Charles Schultz, Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus and several others may finally return to their families. Nearly 50 years ago, the children were abducted near their school and locked away in a room located in the basement of Schultz California estate. Schultz kept them there and had them “perform” while he sketched them and turned the group’s misery and depression into one of America’s longest running comic strips.

WASHINGTON, DC – Late last month, shocking and optimistic news was delivered to the world by scientists at the National Health Department. Virginity, one of the most debilitating diseases known to man, finally has a cure. While this news should be received with great joy, doctors are quick to point out that there is still a lot of testing that needs to be done.