WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States of America set a new COVID record as the number of people who claimed the pandemic was a hoax only to then get infected by COVID rose to over two million.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.

ANTARCTICA – Superman announced last week that he is “taking a break” from humanity and will spend the “foreseeable future” alone at his Fortress of Solitude.

BOCA RATON, FL – Scientist have traced climate change, specifically global warming, to a grandmother’s thermostat in Florida.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joe Biden stunned the nation during last month’s inauguration ceremony by removing a mask revealing that Hillary Clinton had been disguised as Biden during the election.

NEW YORK, NY – A time-traveling The Rock, whose real name is Dwayne Johnson, appeared in Times Square earlier this week to warn the world about the year 2020.

NORTH POLE – After testing positive for COVID-19, Santa Claus has been receiving a controversial new treatment that includes the souls of 450 children, among other ingredients, to help Claus recover from the deadly disease.

Hello, hello, HELLOOOOOOOO! Oh. My. GOD. It has been forever! It is I, your bestest friend in all of the deep, dark web – Beth Sinclair!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Baby Yoda is facing backlash and condemnation for a serious of controversial tweets the actor made in 2014 regarding suspected sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.