Social Media Companies to Allow Users to Opt-Out of Becoming Racist

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.

“For some reason people keep saying that (social media companies) are making people racist even though they don’t want to be racist for some reason,” said Facebook Metric Analyst, Fabian Renut. “I don’t think our platform is turning people racist. Sure, we constantly and exclusively flood users with links to and recommendations of racist content but… it’s not like we are clicking the links for them. But also, like, since when do people not want to be racist? Isn’t that the point of the internet? The whole this is either racist or sexist. Or homophobic. Or transphobic. Or… well, just phobic.”

Instead of updating algorithms to prevent the promotion and recommendation of hateful content, social media companies will allow users to opt-out of seeing such content.

“I suppose we could update our algorithms to suggest content that people would be interested in rather than content that is progressively less interesting but increasingly more racist but… nah. We’ll just make people do the work instead,” said YouTube Director of Development, Kyle Manson. “If someone doesn’t want to turn into a racist that’s their thing. And they will have to tell us or we will definitely turn them in to a racist. But really, who wouldn’t want to be a racist in this day and age? Right now is kind of the heyday of being a racist. It’s kind of like how winter is the heyday for basic chicks and summer is prime time for skanks.”

According to the development team at Facebook, the new racist opt-out option will be accessible by launching the application on a Windows Vista computer, navigating to a user settings, clicking on the letters “per” in the “Personal Settings” label, scrolling to the bottom of the subsequent racism disclaimer, typing the phrase “please excuse me from the racism this site forces on me”, clicking “OK” on 17 consecutive forms, and clicking a checkbox that confirms the desire to no longer receive racist content. Once completed, Facebook will then begin filtering out racist content within five to six years.

“(Facebook) kind of made it hard to opt-out of the racist stuff, but really in the end, it’s totally worth it,” said Facebook Beta Tester, Abby Freem. “I was totally going down that rabbit hole of becoming a racist, even though I’m totally not. I work with a black girl and she is the sweetest thing you’ve ever met. But yeah, but I kept seeing stuff on my Facebook feed that was kinda racist and I was maybe heading down the path towards racism. But now, I’m totally not, even though there’s no way in hell that I would let Becka – that’s the black girl I was talking about – there’s no way I’d let here near my man.”

According to a recent poll conducted by The Scoop News, a majority of social media users are in favor of not accidentally becoming a racist.

“No, I don’t really want to be a racist,” said twitter user Deez Nutz4Reelz. “I mean, if I have to, I’ll run with that shit, but it’s really not my bag.”

While social media companies are making the change soon, some users say the option to not become a racist is too little, too late.

“I was watching videos on how to paint my house and, bam, the next thing I know I’m racist and marching with the local nazi group downtown,” said Facebook user Ross Glemrod. “Happened to my friend Glen too. He clicked on a story on Facebook about goose migration and then a week later he’s arrested for shouting racial slurs at children on a playground. I guess them social media companies are just super good at making people racist, ‘cus I definitely wasn’t that racist before I started watching them videos.”

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