LOS ANGELES, CA – Middle-aged, white men across the country are expressing their anger with an entertainment magazine’s recent list of the 500 best songs of all time.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Recently released images from the upcoming Star Wars film, The Rise of Skywalker, have angered a number of Star Wars fans who are upset the film will include the color turquoise.

DURANGO, CO – The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory spokesbear, Truffles, has announced that she has been diagnosed with diabetes due to a decades-long diet comprised almost exclusively of chocolate.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Sandra Day O’Connor posted a tweet yesterday that may or may not have been a dig at former pal Madeleine Albright.

NEW YORK, NY – Toy Aficionado magazine has released its annual “Best toys” list to aide parents looking for the best and hottest toys this holiday season. The list features a number of new toys as well as a couple “old favorites.”

“This season is all about Star Wars,” said Toy Aficionado magazine Senior Editor Hal Sweera. “Star Wars has put its name on just about everything. And while the action figures and Lego sets may get a lot of attention, but the best Star War toy is actually the Rocks and Sticks set.”

SEATTLE, WA – White women across the country are in a state of panic as Starbucks has announced they will be discontinuing the popular Pumpkin Spice Latte, just weeks before the drink was to go on sale.

SAN CARLOS, CA – A local couple has expressed concern that they may not be overreacting as much as they should compared to everyone else they know.

RENO, NV – Local football fan Dennis Triollio has quietly and discreetly changed his favorite football team in the last several days from the Denver Broncos to the Seattle Seahawks.