Beginning this month, ESPN will offer a new simulcast cast during NFL games featuring a drunk, racist uncle.

ESPN Launches New DRUncle Cast for NFL Games

NEW YORK, NY – Following the success of the “Manning Cast” for NFL games, ESPN will be launching a new live commentary option for professional sporting events featuring drunk, racist uncles.


Facebook U will offer Facebook users the chance to obtain degrees in "research," "whataboutism," and "Foreign Policy."

Facebook Launches Degree Program to Validate Facebook Users’ Posts, Comments

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Beginning next month, Facebook will begin offering degree and postgraduate degree programs to Facebook users.


Winston (above) and Joshua Castellino have not been invited to a party or family event in over a year.

Local Ventriloquist No Longer Invited to Parties

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.


Social Media Companies to Allow Users to Opt-Out of Becoming Racist

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.


Lisa Huller is considering several different excuses for not voting for Biden.

White, Suburban Woman Still Considering Excuses to Not Vote for Biden

LANSING, MI – Local white, suburban, mother, Lisa Huller, is still considering several different excuses to not vote for the Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden.


Local Man's Friends Still Haven't Listened to His Podcast

AUSTIN, TX –Despite numerous reminders of its existence, friends of local man Cameron Gluick have still not listened to Gluick’spodcast.


Netflix users across the country lost access to the site after a Michigan grandmother changed her password.

700,00 Netflix Users Locked Out after Grandma Changes Password

PORTLAND, OR – Netflix users suffered a major blackout after a grandmother in Michigan changed her password, locking over 720,000 people out of Netflix.


Grandma Still Perfecting Thanksgiving Facebook Post

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Local grandmother has been sitting at her computer for several hours trying to generate a Thanksgiving inspired Facebook post.


Local Couple Not Overreacting As Much As They Should

SAN CARLOS, CA – A local couple has expressed concern that they may not be overreacting as much as they should compared to everyone else they know.


Football Fan Discretely Changes Favorite Team to Seahawks

RENO, NV – Local football fan Dennis Triollio has quietly and discreetly changed his favorite football team in the last several days from the Denver Broncos to the Seattle Seahawks.


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