Local Conspiracy Theorist Still Waiting to be Right About COVID Vaccine
Published July 2024 0 Comments | Share:
Phillip Staal is still waiting for everyone that received the COVID vaccine to die so he can be right about his conspiracy theory.
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – Local conspiracy theorist says he is patiently waiting to be correct about the COVID vaccine killing millions.
“Any day now… everyone that got the vaccine three years ago is gonna die. Any day now,” said Phillip Staal. “Yup. Any day now. I know it’s going to happen. You’ll see. One of these days, all of you muck bloods out there that took the poison ‘vaccine’ are just gonna drop dead and I’m gonna be right! I might even dance on your graves for not believin’ me.”
After three years of waiting to be correct, Staal says he has never given up on the theory that everyone who has received the COVID vaccine will die as a result of the vaccine.
“I know I initially said everyone would die in a year and when that didn’t happen, I said that everyone would die in two years and now that’s been over three years I think it will definitely happen soon” said Staal. “I figure that the poison is just working its way through the body, you know, infecting every inch of it. When it finally gets in every nook and cranny, I suppose that’s when it’ll start killing all you sheeple.”
Staal first started to believe that everyone who received the COVID vaccine would die after reading a blog from someone selling health supplements.
“Back when this all started, you know, when (President Joe) Biden released the disease from that bunker in Uzbekistan to control the oil prices in Brazil, I found a guy who was talking all about the so-called virus. He made some good points and ever since I followed his every word. Of course, my dog died because of the Biden Crime family putting a hit on me, but that’s besides the point. I’m a pure blood and everyone who’s not is gonna die soon.”
Staal said he will wait as long as it takes to be correct about his theory that everyone who received the COVID vaccine will die.
“I don’t care if it takes 80 years. But I know, from research, that everyone who got that COVID vaccine will die,” said Staal. “I know, deep down in my heart, that it’s gonna happen. Look at my wife, god rest her soul. When she was in the hospital with what the scam doctors called ‘covid related pneumonia’ she begged me not to take the vaccine. She said that that’s how they were gonna get us real Americans. At least I think that’s what she was trying to say. It was kind of hard to hear her with the tube shoved down her throat. At this time I would normally make a joke about putting a different tube down her throat, but she’s dead now… thanks to fucking Biden.”
Friends and family of Staal have long since stopped talking about COVID and vaccines around Staal, focusing instead on Staal’s passion for wood working.
“We just don’t talk about it anymore and some of the texts I get related to COVID and people dying… I just ignore those now. It’s best for all of us,” said Staal’s nephew, Dylan Treed. “But I will admit, it does get challenging, ignoring his conspiracy theories, when he texts us all or posts on facebook every time someone dies. He gets so excited when someone dies. You’re kinda happy for him because he is so happy but then you remember that someone died and then you feel bad. And to answer your next question – no it doesn’t matter how someone dies. You should have seen the barrage of posts after Dr. Ruth died, blaming her death of the COVID vaccine but, like… dude, she was like 100. But yeah, at least for all of his faults he still knows how to make a damn fine stool.”
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