NEW YORK, NY – A time-traveling The Rock, whose real name is Dwayne Johnson, appeared in Times Square earlier this week to warn the world about the year 2020.
“Everyone listen to me! I’m The Rock! Listen to what The Rock is sayin’!” said The Rock. “I’ve come to warn you about the future! The year 2020 is coming and you have to be ready! This is not a joke. 2020 will be a horrible, nasty year. Do you smell what The Rock is cookin’?”
The Rock appeared in Times Square around noon and immediately began shouting about “the horrors of 2020” and that the world “needs to get ready, now!”
“It was kinda weird, I mean, all of a sudden there’s The Rock,” said witness Ashley Tano. “The really weird thing is that it’s not, like, he didn’t have a shirt on and was flexing and it’s December. It’s like… do you want to warn people or make us cream our jeans? And what’s up with him coming at the end of the year? I mean, we get it, this year is shit. Couldn’t he have come, you know, at this time last year?”
Among the things the future The Rock reportedly tried to warn about was the COVID-19 pandemic, murder hornets, racist police officers, a lying president, enormous wildfires, threat of war in the Middle East, white nationalist, “The New Mutants” film, Kobe Bryant, stock market crash, skyrocketing unemployment, the horrible events of December 3rd.
“This dude shows up, just straight up appears in Times Square, right in front of the Levi’s Store and just starts shoutin’ some bullshit about 2020,” said witness Gabriel Hernandez. “Everyone pretty much ignored him ‘cus, he was like one of 30 people standing in Times Square yellin’ shit. But then someone realized it was The Rock so we all went over and took some selfies with him.”
When told that it was already December of 2020, The Rock reportedly stood there for several minutes, with one eyebrow raised before eventually shouting “well, 2021 is also a shit show.”
“He’s a good looking man, that The Rock,” said witness Gretta Hurowitz. “I wish my Hershel was half that man that The Rock is. But I’m sorry dear, what was the question you were asking? Oh yeah, about the timing. Like I was telling my good friend Ronna yesterday over some tea, it sure would have been nice if Mr. The Rock showed up a year ago! And it would have been even nicer if he would have shown up in my bedroom and naked! He woulda smelled what I was cookin. Do ya get the joke I just made? I mean that what he woulda smelled was my vagina.”
Many of those that witnessed future The Rock’s warning stated that they wished the timing of the appearance was better, earlier in the year.
“I am a bit curious as to why he showed up today,” said Tano. “You’d think that with all the technology needed to time travel they’d have some way of making sure that you were going to the right time and place. Guess not. Future people must be stupid or something. Or maybe all the smart people die in 2020!”
In total, the future The Rock was seen in Times Square for 35 minutes before disappearing.
The current timeline The Rock was asked for comment but responded through his agent “I have no recollection of what you’re talking about.”