TORONTO, CANADA – The Canadian based Research in Motion is set to unveil its next generation Blackberry next month and the cell phone industry is abuzz with the limited information that’s been made available.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to stop the increase of states allowing gay marriage, senior Republican Senators and Christian leaders have adopted a new tactic.

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan – After suffering several military defeats in recent weeks, the Taliban is calling for a return to peace talks and to prove its willingness to comply with any new cease fire, Taliban officials have distributed puppies and kittens to every household within the capital city.
“(The Taliban) want peace and we want to give people of Pakistan peace.”

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – Shortly after their kiss-kam performance on the AT&T Bricktown Ballpark Jumbotron, local couple Leon Trendle and Sarah Jo Neller felt regret.

HONOLULU, HI – In a recent press conference, Jesus H. Christ apologized for making an inappropriate joke about the swine flu during an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!.” The joke, which implied that the swine flu started after a Mexican citizen had sex with a pig, has caused a huge backlash against the spiritual leader.

LAKEWOOD, CO – In an effort to motivate his favorite team, the Colorado Rockies, super fan Justin Tracy has undergone a cutting edge procedure to have more Team Spirit injected into his body.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States government has agreed to allow financial institutions the opportunity to pay for the naming rights on American prisons.

JUAREZ, MEXICO – South American pigs have released a deadly, genetic terrorist attack on the world in the form of a swine flu virus. To date, over 150 people have died from the attack and another several thousand have contracted the disease.
Shortly after reports of the attack began to appear, the leader of the Animalism Swine Liberation Force released a video taking credit for the attack.

WILMINGTON, DE – In an effort to help the economy, prostitutes all over the United States have revealed their own stimulus package.

BIRMINGHAM, AL – An Information Technology employee at Etraz, Inc. has begun referring to himself in the third person.