WASHINGTON, D.C. – After more than 50 years of failed attempts, the Central Intelligence Agency finally succeeded in eliminating all Kennedys from American politics with the passing of Edward “Ted” Kennedy.

“It took a long god damned time but we did it. We finally did it!” said CIA Director, Leon Panetta. “For the first time since 1960 we can all sleep now. We can sleep.”

The CIA successfully removed John and Bobby Kennedy from the political landscape on the 60s but had failed remove Teddy until late last month.

“The first two Kennedy plots went rather smoothly” said Panetta. “But Teddy was a slippery little sucker. But now that the mission is complete, I’m not real sure what the hell we are going to do. I guess we could go after some terrorists or something. Or maybe we’ll just get shitty drunk.”