The Scoop News' Top Ten Places to Live

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NEW YORK, NY – There is a new city at the top of this year’s The Scoop News’ semi-annual list of best places to live although it may not come as a surprise to the people who live there.

Using economic, sociological, cultural, health, sexual, transcendental and environmental data, The Scoop News editorial staff randomly selected 10 locations that are this year’s best places to live.

10. Jeremy Spencer’s basement, Minnetonka, MN.
Tucked in a cul-de-sac in sleepy Minnetonka, Jeremy Spencer’s basement has a lot to offer. His X-Box set up and sound system are very impressive and the couch can comfortably sleep two. There are several great and comfortable places to pass out, not to mention the bean bag that usually sits in the corner. The occasional annoyance of Spencer’s ex-girlfriend “dropping by” to “start some shit” is not enough to pull this sweet pad out of the top 10.

9. Apt. 23A in the Bandanier Apartments, Cape Town, South Africa
There are a lot of great apartment complexes in Cape Town but the Bandanier Apartments is far and away the best of the best. The murder rate is relatively low in these apartments and less than half of the other tenants have serious drug problems. There is an additional benefit of black market trading just outside the front doors. Apartment 23A though is specifically amazing because of the deluxe shower heads in both bathrooms.

8. Behind the Tim Hortons on 6th Ave., Halifax, NS.
What can be better than World Class food and coffee feet away from your home? Very little. Did we mention there is also poutine just steps away? The Tim Hortons on 6th in Halifax offers access to amazing (and cheap) food, a wondrous night life and plenty of interesting people to keep you company. Rent is very cheap and if you bring your own cardboard box, you will have very few bills.

7. Heaven
Heaven has something for everyone… except for heathens that is. And since Heaven is interpreted a million different ways, there is guaranteed to be something for anyone that can get through the front doors. But getting through those front doors is not easy as you will have to truly believe is some very crazy and far-fetched things… Like heaven.

6. Musée du Louvre, Paris, France
Living inside the famous Louvre museum is any art lover’s wet dream. Walking distance to a number of the world’s most famous art pieces and several small cafes, the Louvre is perfect if you can avoid being seen by the night security. We suggest camping out in the 2nd floor bathroom, as security rarely cheeks it after 4 p.m..

5. Xdadoado View condos, Rigel VII
Come for the anal probing, stay for the tentacle rubs. Rigel VII is very far away but that doesn’t matter when faced with stunning views, unique cultures, oppressive alien governments and tentacle rubs. Did we mention the anal probing?

4. At home with Mom and Dad
Staying with mom and dad is a great place to just chill out for a while and try to figure things out. It really will just be for a couple months until you hear back about that script you sent to Lionsgate. Plus Mom says she’ll make pizza-bites tomorrow for lunch and they’re totally cool if you want to bring home your lady friend for a little Netflix and chill.

3. Fifth hut from the left along the river, Qionglai, China
Qionglai, China is beautiful. It is serene and tranquil and peaceful but without all the pretentiousness that one would find in a place like Sedona, AZ. The fifth hut from the left offers the best view of the river and is one of the few huts that doesn’t get washed away on a regular basis during the stormy season.

2. Shame
Living in shame is, and has been, popular for decades. Americans in increasing number are living in shame and that trend looks to only increase in the coming years. Shame offers everyone, especially white people, a real sense of value.

1. Funkytown
No surprise here. Of course Funkytown is number one. Funkytown is where everyone wants to live. Once you move to Funkytown you’ll never leave. The only hard part about Funkytown is finding someone to take you to Funkytown.


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