WILMINGTON, DE – In an effort to help the economy, prostitutes all over the United States have revealed their own stimulus package.

BIRMINGHAM, AL – An Information Technology employee at Etraz, Inc. has begun referring to himself in the third person.

EL SEGUNDO, CA – As the economy continues to struggle, not even celebrities are immune to the downturn and this week Barbie announced that her house is facing foreclosure.
According to bank records, Barbie has defaulted on several of her recent mortgage payments, ultimately forcing the foreclosure of her $200 million dollar “dream” home.

SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea

LITTLE ROCK, AR – A local father of two, Edgar Glen, has told his family that he doesn’t see what’s so great or funny about The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

BROOKLYN, NY – In an effort to share resources and save money, Ambulance companies have begun co-operating with Chinese food restaurants.

PHOENIX, AZ – While it’s been several months since former President Bush left office, his administration’s immigration plan is starting to come together as Mexican nationals are leaving to return to Mexico.

GUANTÁNAMO BAY, CUBA – Six Flags, Inc, operators of several theme parks in both the US and Canada, has purchased the controversial Guantánamo Bay Detention Camp and will turn the area into a new, family oriented theme park.

QUEENS, NY – For the seventh consecutive year, Jason Corgan, 29, will not be getting as much of a tax refund as he was expecting. Corgan, who figured that he would be receiving about four thousand dollars from the government this year, will actually only be getting back $37.

GLENDALE, AZ – A register total almost announced the arrival of the apocalypse but thanks to quick thinking, the end time was avoided at the last second with another purchase.