MONTREAL, QUE – Friends and relatives of 27 year old Darren Grayson are grieving today at the fact that they have lost someone close to them. Wells was officially pronounced P-Whipped late last week.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A screenplay author in Hollywood, CA accidentally created a unique script earlier this week. The script titled “Standing Alone In the Fire” has been met with trepidation by Hollywood studios.

ENGLEWOOD, CO – Undeterred by a less than attractive facial appearance, John Lewdig, US West Order Coodinator, was classified as “fuckable” by fellow co-worker and single mother Janice Jamison.

TACOMA, WA – during a tour of his new apartment, Will Bren overly explained the presence of a bottle of lotion resting next to his bed.

GREENSVILLE, KY – In an effort to appeal to the so called “Hip-Hop” generation, New Christian Publishing has announced plans to release a new, hip-hop inspired version of the Bible.

BELFAST, IRELAND – The Irish government revealed the short list of names for this years induction into the Irish Hall of Fame. This year’s honorees include Lucky, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, William Wallace and Jack Daniels.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the worldwide success of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, old white people all over America are being reminded how lucky it is that they are white.

WASHINGTON, DC – All of the living former Presidents of the United States have begun hazing newly inaugurated President Barack Obama in a tradition that dates back decades.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – An eight-year-old girl has been arrested and charged with criminal mischief after presiding over the marriage of a male doll, Jonas, and a small, stuffed unicorn she named Beebee.
The girl, Cassie Weinrich, held the ceremony last month in her bedroom. While no other humans attended the wedding, authorities were called when Weinrich introduced the recently married couple to her elementary school teacher.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Promising change, Barack Obama won the presidency last year, and taking office this month, Obama has already issued several major changes to the United States which have many Caucasian-Americans concerned.