Man Sues for Invitation to 12-Year-Old Girl’s Sleepover
Published February 2018OMAHA, NB – Local man Dean Waters, 27, is suing 10-year-old Lara Schriber for gender discrimination because Waters was not invited to Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover.
Grandma Still Perfecting Thanksgiving Facebook Post
Published October 2017SCHAUMBURG, IL – Local grandmother has been sitting at her computer for several hours trying to generate a Thanksgiving inspired Facebook post.
President Trump Staples Tie to Desk 63 Consecutive Days
Published October 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House staffers were both surprised and shocked earlier this week when Trump managed to staple his tie to his desk for the 63rd consecutive day.
Are These Eight ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi Rumors’ True?
Published August 2017HOLLYWOOD, CA – The new installment of the Star Wars franchise, Episode VIII, ‘The Last Jedi,’ is still several months away from hitting theaters but rumors about the plot have started hitting the internet.
Senate Looking to Pass Health Care Bill Written on Napkin
Published August 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senate Republicans are trying to push through a new heath care bill that was written earlier today on a bar napkin.
Jennifer Lawrence Asks to be Removed from Bucket Lists
Published June 2017HOLLYWOOD, CA – Actress Jennifer Lawrence has asked every male on the planet Earth to remove her name from their individual bucket lists.
Local Man No Longer Feels Comfortable in His Man-Cave
Published April 2017SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local man Jared Waterton says that he is no longer comfortable in his football-themed man-cave.
PTA President Denies Russian Interference in Election
Published March 2017ANN ARBOR, MI – The president of the Ann Arbor School District Parent Teacher Association is denying allegations that Russia influenced recent PTA elections.
Starbucks Unveils Dick Flavored Coffee Drinks
Published March 2017SEATTLE, WA – Starbucks will be expanding its menu next month, rolling out new dick flavored coffee drinks to stores across the country.
“When looking for a new flavor we asked ourselves ‘what do people, at least most people, like?’ the answer was obvious; dick,” said Starbucks Flavor Engineer, Kylie Kearns. “And the love of dick is worldwide. Almost every single woman has had a dick in their mouth at some point."
“When looking for a new flavor we asked ourselves ‘what do people, at least most people, like?’ the answer was obvious; dick,” said Starbucks Flavor Engineer, Kylie Kearns. “And the love of dick is worldwide. Almost every single woman has had a dick in their mouth at some point."
Musician Eager to Disappoint Fans with New Album
Published February 2017LOS ANGELES, CA – After selling over a million copies of her debut album, rocker Terra Tory is looking forward to the new year and is eager to disappoint both fans and critics alike with her new album.
