Are These Eight ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi Rumors’ True?
Published August 2017HOLLYWOOD, CA – The new installment of the Star Wars franchise, Episode VIII, ‘The Last Jedi,’ is still several months away from hitting theaters but rumors about the plot have started hitting the internet.
Trump Scratches at the Wall for Over an Hour
Published August 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the wall of the Oval Office for over an hour scratching at a spot on the wall.
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."
Pharmaceutical Company Raises Meth Prices 300%
Published April 2017CHARLESTON, WV – Citizens of Charleston are outraged as the local manufactures of Methamphetamine have raised the price of meth 300%.
Trump Wants to Meet General Tso about Chicken
Published May 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has sent an official request to the Chinese government asking for a meeting with General Tso to discuss the General’s chicken.
“I told China, let me talk to this General Tso guy. I want to talk to him about his chicken. It’s very good chicken and I’d like to talk to him. That’s what I told China. I’m very good at telling China things,” said Trump.
“I told China, let me talk to this General Tso guy. I want to talk to him about his chicken. It’s very good chicken and I’d like to talk to him. That’s what I told China. I’m very good at telling China things,” said Trump.
Trump Confused by Paper Towel Dispenser
Published March 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump spent almost an hour and a half standing in front of a manual paper towel dispenser, waiting for the paper towels to come out automatically.
“Apparently Trump, who let’s face it, is a dumb, dumb man, hasn’t used a manual paper towel dispenser before and was really confused,” said White House custodian Jade Olivera. “He thought it was one of those machines where you wave your hand near it and it spits out a paper towel. At least we know he washed his hands.”
“Apparently Trump, who let’s face it, is a dumb, dumb man, hasn’t used a manual paper towel dispenser before and was really confused,” said White House custodian Jade Olivera. “He thought it was one of those machines where you wave your hand near it and it spits out a paper towel. At least we know he washed his hands.”
Next Year’s Top Five U.S. Vacation Spots
Published August 2014I’m here today to give you my picks for the best vacation spots here in the good ol’ US of A.
Group of Pedophiles to Help Find Missing Nigerian Girls
Published May 2014ABUJA, Nigeria – In what is being seen by many as a “last ditch effort” to find the kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls, the United States has committed a new group to aid in finding the young girls.
Associated Press Releases News Article Templates
Published September 2013NEW YORK, NY – In order to expedite reporting in the internet age, the Associated Press has approved and released templates to be used for reoccurring stories.
Jesus Christ Distancing Himself From Tim Tebow
Published April 2013NEW YORK, NY – As Tim Tebow’s NFL career looks to be in jeopardy, one time fan Jesus Christ has begun distancing himself from the football player.
Time Machine Bring 15 Republicans Back From 1959
Published April 2012WASHINGTON, DC – Earlier this week temporal scientists announced some good news and some bad news today regarding time travel.
