

Trump Plans to Stay Up All Night to Confront Santa
Published December 2017“I am going to stay up, I’m very good at staying up, maybe the best, some people say that I’m the best they’ve ever seen at staying up, like the Russians, they are good at staying up and I’m good like that too, at staying up. I can stay up late when I want to stay up late,” said Trump.

NSA to Offer Aura Scans, Readings at Nation’s Airports
Published October 2016WASHINGTON, DC – Airline passengers traveling this holiday season will soon get a little extra from their trip through security as the National Security Agency will soon be offering aura scans.

Recent Discovery Proves Early Human Sucked at Art
Published May 2016SANTA FE, NM – Anthropologists are excited by recently discovered cave drawings that they say prove that the earliest inhabitants of North America were terrible artists.
Local Kid Struggles to Explain Why Hanukkah is “Cool”
Published November 2015SAN JOSE, CA – Local Jewish boy James Kirkwood has been struggling to explain to his Christian friends why Hanukkah is better than Christmas.

With One “Nice” Kid, Santa Annouces Retirement
Published November 2015NORTH POLE – After a year in which there was only one “nice” child, Santa Claus says he will officially retire from delivering toys to children on Christmas Eve.

Travel Magazine Releases List of Top Spring Break Spots
Published February 2015NEW YORK CITY – The travel magazine, Destination Awesome, has released its list of the top five 2015 Spring Break destinations.

Companies File Patent Lawsuit Against Santa
Published December 2014NORTH POLE – Several companies, including Apple and Mattel, have filed patent infringement lawsuits against Santa Claus.
The lawsuits claim that Claus is manufacturing and distributing toys that violate a number of patents. One toy cited in the lawsuit, Claus’s sPad, looks and functions very similar to Apple’s iPad.
Sarah Palin Asks Santa Clause for Relevance
Published November 2013Anchorage, AK – For the third straight year, former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has asked Santa Clause for a resurrection of her relevance as her Christmas gift.
Coworkers Find Office Decorations “Over the Top”
Published November 2011NEWARK, DE – Several employees of CPTB Industries have described the Christmas decorations in a co-workers cubicle as “a little over the top.”
Lack of iPad Present Proves God, Santa Claus Do Not Exist
Published November 2011TUCSON, AZ – The lack of an iPad gift this year has proved to local seven-year-old Gracie Martinez that Jesus doesn’t exist and that there is no such thing as god.