ABUJA, Nigeria – In what is being seen by many as a “last ditch effort” to find the kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls, the United States has committed a new group to aid in finding the young girls.

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA – Having exhausted all other possible leads, Malaysian officials have brought in magician David Copperfield for questioning about the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.

“I remember seeing him one time make a plane disappear when I was a kid and he may have do it again,” said Malaysia Prime Minister, Najib Tun Razak. “Maybe (Copperfield) made plane disappear and now he ca not remember how to get it back since he is old now.”

ATLANTA, GA – CNN has reluctantly switched their 24-hour news coverage away from the missing Malaysian Flight 370 to the developing story of a child who may or may not have lost his bicycle.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – America’s beloved actress, Jennifer Lawrence, has brought peace to the entire Middle East.

“Jennifer Lawrence came here and looked me right in the eye and said that there should be peace so I made peace,” said Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. “As much as I want to be true to my people and my country, above all I want to make Jennifer Lawrence happy. She is just a really great girl. She deserves to be happy.”

BOULDER, CO – Snowboarders around the world are getting ready to pretend they are actual athletes as they prepare for next month’s Winter Olympics.

CINCINNATI, OH – Local grandmother has told her family that she just wants a normal Thanksgiving Dinner this year without any “craziness.”

Jaime Wingham immediately felt a kinship to all the people in Syria who were affected by the attacks. Wingman has admitted that for years she has been the victim of chemical attacks in the form of Dutch Ovens.

DALLAS, TX – The man behind a popular Conservative news blog has announced he has proof that President Barack Obama is planning to “blow up” Heaven.

VATICAN CITY – Now that a new Pope, Francis I, has taken his place as the head of the Catholic Church, details are beginning to leak as to just how the new Pope was elected.

TULSA, OK – In preparation for the 2016 Olympics, local Walt Brerger has declared that he will be moving to Greenland to complete for the country in the beach volleyball event.