WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the wall of the Oval Office for over an hour scratching at a spot on the wall.
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."

CHARLESTON, WV – Citizens of Charleston are outraged as the local manufactures of Methamphetamine have raised the price of meth 300%.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local man Jared Waterton says that he is no longer comfortable in his football-themed man-cave.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – For more than two weeks, President Donald Trump has had a piece of spinach stuck in his teeth and it remains unclear if he knows that it’s there.

The Scoop News has traveled around America tasting every burger in every state, and now we’ve compiled a list of our favorites. Here are The Scoop News’ top 10 burgers in America.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump spent almost an hour and a half standing in front of a manual paper towel dispenser, waiting for the paper towels to come out automatically.
“Apparently Trump, who let’s face it, is a dumb, dumb man, hasn’t used a manual paper towel dispenser before and was really confused,” said White House custodian Jade Olivera. “He thought it was one of those machines where you wave your hand near it and it spits out a paper towel. At least we know he washed his hands.”

BOSTON,MA – The scientists behind the computer simulation we know as reality have decided to end the simulation after a series of recent events wielded “bizarre results.”
“This current simulation, basically what you know as your ‘reality,’ has just gone off the rails,” said lead Simulation Programmer, Trent Stein. “(The simulation) got a little dicey in what you would refer to as the 2000s but things straightened out. Now, where this simulation is now, wow. Just… wow. This simulation has just produced some honestly stupid results. So instead of watching (the simulation) just fall apart or spin out of control we are going to scrap the whole damn thing. I know that sucks for you but… it’s really for the best.”

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Although several weeks have passed since the office holiday party, office administrator Carrie Hoplight, refuses to forgive coworker Jenny Matthews for stealing the gift she wanted.

WASHINGTON, DC – American families have unanimously agreed to ignore the last couple months and just enjoy a quiet thanksgiving dinner.

WASHINGTON, DC – Airline passengers traveling this holiday season will soon get a little extra from their trip through security as the National Security Agency will soon be offering aura scans.