Local Man Doesn't Recognize Music Festival Bands

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Jason Mitchell doesn't recognize any bands performing at the upcoming Dessert Days music festival.
Jason Mitchell doesn't recognize any bands performing at the upcoming Dessert Days music festival.
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PHOENIX, AZ – A local man was saddened by the realization that he did not know, nor had heard of, any bands that are scheduled to play a local music festival.

“I… I didn’t know a single band that was on the poster for Desert Days,” said Jason Mitchell, 43. “A couple years ago I knew a whole bunch of (band names). Like, maybe 10 of the bands playing. But this year… I don’t know any of them. I thought I recognized one of the bands, The White Dahlias but I think I was just thinking about the band The Black Dahlia Murder. Does that mean… am I not cool anymore?”

Mitchell saw the line-up for the upcoming Desert Days music festival on social media but did not recognize any band or performer name.

“I consider myself a hip guy, you know. I listen to cool music,” said Mitchell. “But when I saw the bands playing Desert Days… I… I didn’t know any of them. Galacticnorcinerator? Vega by Midnite? The Postcards? Where did these bands even come from? I’ve never heard of any of them. I’m sure they’re ok and people must like them, but really, who the hell are they? It kinda sounds like the organizers just pulled random words out of a hat and then found bands that fit those names. I thought my finger was still on the pulse of the music scene, but now I’m thinking… am I… old?”

To help familiarize himself with some of the bands playing Desert Days, Mitchell tried to listen to a couple of the headlining acts on Spotify.

“I tried to find a couple of the bands, like Lil Swiss Miss or Pinkblack or something but I couldn’t find them so I just listened to Pearl Jam again. They still rock, man,” said Mitchell. “I guess they still rock. I only really listen to the first couple albums, but I think they are still around? But yeah, a lot of these new bands , they’re just noise. Noise with yelling. One of the bands, Galacticnorcenerato or something, they were just weird. I don’t think I would voluntarily listen to them again, or hell, even suggest them to someone I hate.”

Although Mitchell considers himself a music fan, he admits he has not listened to an album released in the last 20 years.

“Yeah there’s probably a lot of good new music and I think about checking stuff out all the time but then I just get Stone Temple Pilots going and I just rock out to it and that’s all I want to listen to for awhile,” said Mitchell. “But it’s not all rock, you know. Sometimes I’m in a more mellow mood so I’ll get Coldplay on. But it’s hard to listen to new music when there is so much really good old stuff that I know I already like. You can’t tell me Vegans by Midnight or whatever is better than Coldplay. They aren’t. I don’t even have to listen to them to know that.”

Despite the fact that he has not heard of any of the bands, Mitchell has purchased a ticket to the festival.

“I’m going to check it out, it’s the least I can do,” said Mitchell. “At the very least I might hear something that is just as good as Black Hole Sun. It’s most likely, but you never know. I just know that I’ll be in the beer tent with the Glacticnor-whatever is on. Fuck those guys, they are terrible.”


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