White Man Doesn’t Understand Why Minorities Dislike Police
Published August 2014SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local Finance Manager Johnathan Nichols says he doesn’t understand why it seems so many minorities are untrusting of police officers.
New Documentary Shows Danger Posed by Babies
Published August 2014LOS ANGELES, CA – A new documentary highlighting the danger of babies is causing a series of protests and calls for tighter restrictions on owning a baby.
Rich, White Men Sick of Being Outed as Racists
Published June 2014LOS ANGELES, CA –Rich, white men from across the country say they are getting sick and tired of being exposed as racists.
“I’m sick and damn tired of people finding out that I’m a racist! I can’t even use the ‘N’ word in the privacy of my own house anymore,” said millionaire Roderick Bennington. “What good is having all of this money if you can’t undermine and subjugate those you perceive as being less than you?”
CNN Switches Coverage from Missing Plane to Missing Bike
Published April 2014ATLANTA, GA – CNN has reluctantly switched their 24-hour news coverage away from the missing Malaysian Flight 370 to the developing story of a child who may or may not have lost his bicycle.
Local Black Man Sick of Explaining He Doesn’t Like Rap
Published February 2014SEATTLE, WA – Russell Fischer, a 28-year-old black man from Olympia, says he is tired of explaining why he does not like rap music even though he is, in fact, a black man.
New Report Confirms Lewis Is a Bad Dog
Published January 2014MOUNT VERNON, WA – A report recently released by the Department of Animal Rights and Welfare concludes that Lewis is bad dog.
Local Man Won’t Stop Talking About “Doctor Who”
Published December 2013AUSTIN, TX – Local man Justin Neeley will not stop talking about the television show “Doctor Who” despite the fact his friends and family are no longer willing to listen to him.
NSA Reports Databases Full of Selfies
Published January 2014WASHINGTON, DC – The National Security Agency has stopped collecting American’s data after completely filling over 10,000 servers with “selfies.”
“As of last week, the NSA is no longer able to collect data due to the very large number of selfies that currently reside on the servers,” said NSA Director, Shawn Nossen.
Coworker Says “Merry Christmas” Too Aggressively
Published November 2013MODESTO, CA – Over the past several weeks local Christian Jerome Hopkins has been aggressively wishing co-workers a “merry Christmas,” regardless of his coworkers’ actual religious beliefs.
Local Christian Boy Wishes He Was Jewish
Published November 2013QUEENS, NY – Local 11-year-old Christian, Bradly Mickleson, wishes he was Jewish so he could celebrate Hanukah and receive gifts for eight consecutive days.
