ATLANTA, GA – In what many are calling “a gathering of the greatest minds of today,” several well known rappers have been gathered in hopes of establishing a new vocabulary, and more importantly a new set of slang.

SEATTLE, WA – In an effort to improve efficiency and reduce costs, many U.S. companies have begun turning to ninjas to meet security needs. Ninjas, mythical warriors from Japan are in hot demand these days as companies have realized how versatile an asset the ninja can be when used in security functions.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hello all my shining little readers, it is I, Beth Sinclair and boy do I have things to tell you! It seems like forever ago that I got to talk to all my little Beth-heads out there.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to draw more tourists to the nation’s capitol, the Mayor of Washington, D.C., Anthony Williams, has announced plans to open an interactive museum devoted to the city’s most famous product, crack cocaine.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Whether celebrities fly to Africa and Asia to get one or simply make one the old fashioned way, it’s clear that this fall’s hot, new fashion accessory is a baby. Babies are popping up all over the place in the arms of celebrities and socialites driving demand for babies and baby accessories through the roof.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Addressing reporters and hundreds of fans, beloved cartoon actor and chicken rights spokescock Foghorn Leghorn announced today that he had contracted the deadly Avian Flu virus.

SEATTLE, WA – In hopes of capitalizing on a large population of homosexuals living in the Seattle area, local entrepreneur, Terri Jillette, is opening the countries first Gay Care facility.

KANSAS CITY, MO – The National Organization of Women, NOW, has released a list of compensations a woman should receive for varying acts of abuse. The list, which was made public last week details what a woman should receive if her husband/boyfriend/sibling/father abuses her either physically or mentally.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hello all my fervent fans, it is I, Beth Sinclair here to dish all that is fit to be dished. Wow, it seems like it has been almost forever since I got to talk to all my little children. If my memory serves me correctly, and I’m pretty sure it does, I was just a fresh faced young virgin the last time I wrote a column. Yeah right! You all should know me better than that. But seriously, I have been busy as a prostitute at a Star Trek Convention giving freebies to all the virgins who are over 30.

COLORADO CITY, AZ – According to local reports, polygamists in the small town of Colorado City are not looking forward to the Valentines Day holiday. With several males in the town taking more than one wife, the holiday has been expensive and time consuming for these same men in years past.