PHILADELPHIA, PA – Travel agencies in the Philadelphia metropolitan area have begun offering Facebook vacation packages that give customers the opportunity to experience new and exciting things while still at home but not connected to Facebook in any way.

“Over the last couple years we’ve heard a lot of customers mention how they wish they could just take a vacation away from Facebook,” said travel agent Gloria Lagger.

FARGO, ND – Local man, Jesse Wright, is still listening to music by the band Linkin Park despite the fact that it is the year 2013.

TUCSON, AZ – Local bongo player, Steve “Ashy” Gregory, readily admits that he takes his bongo playing very seriously.

WAYNESVILLE, IN – Local high school student, Roy Garfield, told his family that after graduation he will not be going to college in the fall and that he plans on just “taking a year off and just relaxing.”

GREEN BAY, WI – A local woman told coworkers that she is lucky to be alive as she had considered running a marathon and that marathon could have been the marathon in Boston that suffered a terrorist attack.

BOISE, ID – A local college student is wondering why the acid he took earlier hasn’t kicked in yet.

“I’m starting to kinda freak out about it, you know?” said Blake Harper.

FARGO, ND – After becoming frustrated with the recent NHL lockout, local man Garry Broderick has told his friends and family that he has “given up on those assholes” associated with professional sports.

CHICAGO, IL — Over the past years Consumer Reports has provided parents with a valuable list: the hottest toys for the upcoming Holiday season. Retailers across the country often stock up on the highlighted toys in order to satisfy the anticipated high demand and hopefully minimize the violent incidents that have happened in the past between crazed parents.

WOODSTOCK, NY – Local Hippies are no longer able to remain unaware of the current geopolitical climate and have begun to give up on peace.

Local man Reuben Accote is said to be very confused after masturbating to an Olympic Fencing match.