A MOUNTAIN, PAKISTAN – Pundit and world famous terrorist Osama bin Laden has announced his support for Republican Mike Huckabee as the Republican Presidential nominee.

DENTON, IL – Much like every year, Mike Ballard’s Halloween costume failed to get him any action. This year, dressed as an Oompa Loompa from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, Ballard didn’t even talk to a female he entire night.

BOSTON, MA – A party held to watch a NASCAR event ended after only 15 minutes when beer ran out and party goers realized the sport amounted to nothing more than driving in a circle.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Making it official, the National Board of What’s Funny announced today that the Rapping Granny gimmick is no longer funny.

BELFAST, IRELAND – The Irish government revealed the short list of names for this years induction into the Irish Hall of Fame. This year’s honorees include Lucky, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, William Wallace and Jack Daniels.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the worldwide success of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, old white people all over America are being reminded how lucky it is that they are white.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Promising change, Barack Obama won the presidency last year, and taking office this month, Obama has already issued several major changes to the United States which have many Caucasian-Americans concerned.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”

DENVER, CO – With the economy struggling and massive layoffs a daily occurrence, employment experts have released a list of the top 10 paying jobs for the upcoming year. Toping that list is Employment Expert.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In another bailout request, Santa Claus appeared before Congress this week asking for $45 billion in order to continue operations and ensure “Christmas happens as it should.”