DENTON, IL – Much like every year, Mike Ballard’s Halloween costume failed to get him any action. This year, dressed as an Oompa Loompa from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, Ballard didn’t even talk to a female he entire night.
“Last year I went as V from ‘V for Vendetta,’ and I’ll admit that I looked damn good,” Ballard said. “But last year I had even worse luck. Every time I tried to talk to a girl, she would scream and run away. I guess that costume was a little too geeky. So this year, I tried to be cuter, and dressed up as an Oompa Loompa. At least this year, the girls just didn’t talk to me.”
While Ballard is convinced that he will have success with the right costume, his friends aren’t so sure.
“(Mike’s) biggest problem is that he’s a loser, and chicks can totally tell, no matter what he dresses up like,” said Ballards friend Phil Canseco. “Seriously, even if he were walking around handing out 100 dollar bills, chicks still wouldn’t talk to him. It’s sad really.”