CHICAGO, IL – During a team building exercise it was discovered that almost every employee of Vrenti Solutions is creeped out by the Human Resources specialist Ben Skokli.

CONWAY, AR – A local woman has been arrested for allegedly conspiring with Russian agents to ruin her ex-boyfriend’s birthday.

SEATTLE, WA – The company behind the popular Dungeons & Dragons role playing game has announced a new expansion set giving players more options for character classes and new campaigns.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new Executive Order has been signed by President Trump making it illegal for businesses to sell donuts with holes in the middle.
“We are getting ripped off with our donuts. We always have been. It’s Obama’s fault. And Crooked Hillary. And also the fake news media,” said Trump.

BOISE, ID – A bag boy at a local Fred Myers grocery store stated that he is a “rebel” and he doesn’t “care about nothing, especially work.”

AUSTIN, TX – An awkward silence has persisted in the Kingston Medical Supply office after an employee sneezed and farted at the same time.

WASHINGTON, DC – During a joint press conference with the President of Argentina, Mauricio Macri, President Trump said he would like to open negotiations with the fictional country of Mordor.
Although Mordor is a fictional land from the popular book series Lord of the Rings, Trump said that he would be reaching out to the country’s leader to set up some “face-to-face time.”

BOSTON, MA – A sharp decline in the chastity belt industry is being blamed on millennials.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Seeking advice, President Donald Trump has been attempting to call the President from the film Independence Day.
“The President recently saw Independence Day on tv, (Trump) watches a lot of tv, and was impressed by President Whitmore,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump signed an executive order this week renaming the central character in The Legends of Zelda video game.