Former Metal Guitarist Struggling to Update Linkdin Profile

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Ken Giacomo, former guitarist for Satan’s Baby Goat Blood Cult, has spent the last several days trying to complete his Linkdin profile.
Ken Giacomo, former guitarist for Satan’s Baby Goat Blood Cult, has spent the last several days trying to complete his Linkdin profile.

MIDDLETOWN, NJ – Former heavy metal guitarist, Ken “Blood Face” Giacomo, has been updating his Linkdin profile for several days but has been struggling to include his experience as a musician.

“Do I put on here that I can drink a whole bottle of gin and not get drunk and whatnot?” said Giacomo. “That’s the type of shit I’m trying to work through here. I know most companies probably don’t care about that but it’s a skill that I have so should I put it on this Linkdin profile? And what about the fact that I can spit blood a good 20 feet in to a crowd? Should that go under skills or experience? This is tough man.”

Giacomo has spent the last three days writing and editing his Linkdin profile in preparation of sending his resume to employers.

“I’m kinda of a perfectionist so making this Linkdin thing has been hard for me,” said Giacomo. “One time, in the studio, I spent four months playing a guitar solo until I finally nailed it. The record company was pissed and we ended up owing them a bunch of money and whatnot but that guitar solo is fuckin’ tits.”

Hoping to find a job in sales, customer service or perhaps search engine optimization, Giacomo has been trying to relate his experience as a heavy metal guitarist to experience within corporate culture.

“I saw a video online about how search engine optimating and, um, sales jobs are really good so I’m going’ta try’ta get one of those,” said Giacomo. “When I update this Linkdin page I should probably try to make it so that sales and search engine optimus companies like it. Add some skulls and whatnot. Do you know if those companies care about how I’ve beaten every STD out there? I think I’m immune to them all now. Probably because of all the goat blood I use to drink. But… yeah, do companies want to know that stuff? I don’t know.”

Giacomo, 48-years-old, has not had a job outside of the music industry since he was 16-year-old when he worked as a bag boy at a grocery store. Giacomo’s sister, Deanne Giacomo-Hibbert, a Database Administrator, has been advising Giacomo on his Linkdin profile.

“(Giacomo) hasn’t had a real job since he was a kid,” said Giacomo-Hibbert. “Our parents supported him for a long, long time and I guess he made enough money to live on his own for a bit but then the singer of his band got clean so I guess the band broke up? Whatever. I don’t know. At least (Giacomo) is trying. I’ve been telling him to put all his experience managing band finances and his social media outreach experience in his Linkdin profile but he just wants to put in stuff like how many rats he’s eaten in a row.”

Because of his more than 20 years of experience as a professional musician, Giacomo is confident he can get a job that pays over $100,000 a year.

“Being in a band is hard work. So I’m used to working hard. It’s not all drinking and doing meth and doing groupies,” said Giacomo. “It’s a lot of that, but that’s not all. But I miss that stuff, man. I really miss that stuff. Do you think maybe a company would let me have less money but let me drink or maybe bang some groupies in the bathroom instead? I’d take a pay cut if I could.”

Giacomo’s band, Satan’s Baby Goat Blood Cult, broke up several months ago forcing Giacomo to seek employment outside of the music industry.

“When the band broke up I didn’t know what to do and then I ran out of money and my sister said I should get a job and when I asked her how to do that she said to make a linkdin page so… that’s where I’m at,” said Giacomo. “But once this is done I should be good to go. I’ll probably have a job by the end of the week.”


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