OLYMPIA, WA – Representatives from the Consumer Reports Magazine are calling the Washington Sentinel Classifieds’ ad for a used car, “The best deal ever.” The three line add for an ’81 Toyota Supra was listed on February 23 and immediately had major automakers scrambling to head off what certainly could be the end of the auto industry as we know it.

MONTPELIER, VT – Alex Rodriguez, all-star shortstop and who recently signed a lucrative $252 million contract with the Texas Rangers, has agreed to purchase the state of Vermont for approximately $75 million in cash and 11 autographed baseballs.

KANSAS CITY, KS – The morning after his debut at the Kelgloss Gallery in downtown Kansas City, local artist Enrich Fellstone lashed out against the residents of the city calling them “Neanderthals that wouldn’t know real art if it came right up to them and fucked their sister.”

GROVESTOWN, MI – Sometimes, things don’t go smoothly. Last week when Mike Edwards entered his bathroom, as he does most every day, to have a routine bowel movement, little did he know that the experience would change his life forever. The experience left the man, who had just turned 38 the day before, shaken and scared, but also in complete awe.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA- It was a classic example of being in the right place at the right time and now a local aspiring actor has finally landed himself in the big time.

FLAGSTAFF, AZ – With the opening of a new Barnes and Noble bookstore, a small group of area residents have come out to protest the amount of people protesting the corporation’s debut in the small mountain community.

BOULDER, CO – Attorney General Janet Reno worked with outside intermediaries in Boulder, Co Friday on a possible agreement that would transfer custody of the Dave Matthews Band Compact Disc from Charise Wilson to its rightful owner, James “Doppey” Rathmuseon III immediately, a Justice Department spokeswoman said.

ANAHEIM, CA – In the single most unifying moment in the history of the world, almost every human being has come together to protest one single thing; The Disney Channels new show “Ain’t Them Minorities Stoopid?”

MARTINVILLE, UT – It was a shocking move that racked the once quiet city of Martinville. A decision ending one career and beginning another.