DENVER, CO - Thanks to the popularity and profitability of legalized pot, Colorado will soon be getting a new marijuana themed, adult amusement park named Mile High Funtown 420.
“Pot is huge in Colorado so it just makes sense to build on that popularity and open a pot-themed amusement park. And really, when you are high, the only thing you want to do is go to an amusement park. That’s a fact,” said Mile High Funtown 420 CEO, Rebecca Matthews.

PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.

MOUNT VERNON, WA – A report recently released by the Department of Animal Rights and Welfare concludes that Lewis is bad dog.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is planning changes to the Academy Awards to update the awards and appeal to a larger audience.

CHICAGO, IL – In a recent poll of over 25% of the American population, 87% of responders said they think polls are 47% inaccurate.

LOUISVILLE, KY – A Public Relations spokesman for KFC confirmed rumors that company scientists are working to genetically engineer an all-skin chicken for the fast food chain.

WASHINGTON, DC – Earlier this week temporal scientists announced some good news and some bad news today regarding time travel.

COLUMBIA, SC – A group of sociologists based out of the University of South Carolina have proved, with very large numbers, that women do not, in fact, dig scars.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Research conducted at Massachusetts Institute of Technology has concluded that the internet is now 80% pornography, 15% cat videos/pictures and 4% poorly written comments.

“While most of our findings were pretty much exactly what we all thought they would be, the one thing that surprised us is that cat videos and pictures amounted for so little of the internet,” said Research Assistant Geraldine Westerly.

ASHLAND, KY – Three weeks ago fans and professional baseball players were attacked by a herd of Zombie Unicorns as a publicity stunt went horribly wrong.