WASHINGTON, DC – The National Security Agency has stopped collecting American’s data after completely filling over 10,000 servers with “selfies.”

“As of last week, the NSA is no longer able to collect data due to the very large number of selfies that currently reside on the servers,” said NSA Director, Shawn Nossen.

MOBILE, AL – In an effort to ensure kids grow up to become successful and that comedy remains funny, parents have been asked to stop telling their children that they are funny.

During a conference aimed at reducing the amount of unfunny and unsuccessful teenagers, the American Society for Child Development, the Comedy Writers Guild of America and the American Association of Psychologists agreed children should not be told they are funny by their parents.

OAKLAND, CA – In response to the growing number of niche dating websites, two new sites have started the debate of how specific is too specific.

SILVERLAKE, CA – Friends of Dillon “Dilly” Feinberg were disappointed to discover that he actually likes things that are popular for un-ironic reasons.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A wildfire north of Los Angeles has destroyed one of the largest teen idol factories in the country, jeopardizing the supply of teen idols.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – A C-list celebrity has posted a video online of themselves participating in a popular internet meme. In the homemade video, the C-list celebrity acts silly and mugs to the camera while imitating the video that started the meme.

DAMASCUS, SYRIA – As the blood shed continues in Syria, experts on Middle East politics have begun to identify a number of possible reasons for the escalation in violence.

WASHINGTON, DC – Despite knowing very little about North Korea, foreign policy experts think that the people of North Korea are probably sad at the passing of Kim Jong-il.

AFTERLIFE – Long-time members of the famous 27 Club are voicing concerns that the club is no longer exclusive as more people are allowed to become members.

LAKEWOOD, CO – As the deadline to make a deal came and went last week, Kevin Garmin, the Commissioner of the Jefferson County Youth Football Association (JCYFA) has announced that the league will be locking out the players for the upcoming season, effective immediately.

The lockout comes after negotiations between the league and the Youth Football Players Association on a new collective bargaining agreement (CBA) broke down.