ATLANTA, GA – The internet has been going crazy with speculation that Ya Lun, a Giant Panda at the Atlanta Zoo, may hold the key to faster-than-light (FTL) space travel.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The new installment of the Star Wars franchise, Episode VIII, ‘The Last Jedi,’ is still several months away from hitting theaters but rumors about the plot have started hitting the internet.

CHARLESTON, WV – Citizens of Charleston are outraged as the local manufactures of Methamphetamine have raised the price of meth 300%.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local man Jared Waterton says that he is no longer comfortable in his football-themed man-cave.

WASHINGTON, DC – Airline passengers traveling this holiday season will soon get a little extra from their trip through security as the National Security Agency will soon be offering aura scans.

OMAHA, NE – Staring out the window of his home, seven-year-old Billy Tanner, sits silently, sipping his strawberry lemonade thinking about how good things used to be, back when things were simpler.

BROOKLYN, NY – It’s been nearly three days since he ate lunch at Ravenwood Tavern, but Tearstin Wilkes says he is close to completing his Yelp review of the restaurant.

NEW YORK, NY – In an effort to appeal to both women and Hispanic voters, Republican Presidential Nominee, Donald Trump, told a room full of supporters and reporters he would consider marrying “an ok looking Mexican broad.”

“I like broads. And they like me,” said Trump during the campaign stop in Evansville, IN. “I know some women that have said they like me a lot. And those, whatyoucall’em… Mexicans? Yeah, they like me too. I’m huge with them.”

SACREMENTO, CA – As the drought continues, the state government of California has issued new laws and policies to conserve water and reduce strain on rivers and aquifers.

SEATTLE, WA – As the FIFA Women’s World Cup winds down, Americans all across the country are getting ready to completely forget about women’s soccer.