NEW YORK CITY, NY – The nations of Earth came together last month as several cities in the United States of America and Canada suffered a crippling blackout which lasted nearly two days. Relief packages were dropped by the Rwanda National Air Force in New York City, Cleveland, Detroit and Toronto.

GERESK, AFGHANISTAN – A recent discovery in an abandoned cave in northern Afghanistan is causing some “uncomfortable feelings” in the White House.

CHICAGO, IL – Even though this holiday season is supposed to be a retailer’s worst nightmare, Consumer Reports has unveiled its list of the 10 hottest toys that are flying off shelves all over the country. Since the terrorist attacks in September combined with the already sluggish economy, analysts have been predicting the usual fevered spending in the months prior to Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa would be at an all time low. The toy report is expected to help kick start the economy, making this a fruitful season for everyone in the retail industry.

CINCINNATI, OH – The Cincinnati Bengals’ first victory of the 2000-2001 NFL season also marked a bigger occasion. With the win, Jesus Christ became the world’s all time winningest deity. Until the final whistle of the game, Christ had been tied with the Greek God Zeus for most career sporting event wins.

Every year about this time, hordes of people gather around the water coolers at work and plan their television viewing schedules for the upcoming seasons. But this year, all the networks have delivered gigantic payloads. With so many shows to choose from, we here at The Scoop have decided to let you in on our picks for the new season. So be sure to memorize these shows and plan your future them.