Children Hire Lawyer To Put Water Bottle Back In Pet's Cage
Published March 2005 0 Comments | Share:
Mr. Snugglebottoms appears in this undated photograph.
TALLAHASSE, FL – Two children have retained legal council in an effort to reintroduce a water bottle into the cage of the children’s pet hamster Mr. Snugglebottoms. The parents of the two children removed the water bottle two days ago after declaring Mr. Snugglebottoms deceased.
According to the parents, Jim and Sherri Travis, the hamster passed away four days ago and therefore was in no need of a water bottle. The children, Connor and Dakota, maintain that the Mr. Snugglebottoms is not dead and is in fact just really, really tired.
“Mr. Snugglebottoms is just sleeping and if Mommy and Daddy don’t put the water bottle back, he’ll get thirsty and then be sad,” said Connor Travis. “Our last hamster, Sir Wiggles, got sad and ate its babies. That made Dakota sad so I don’t want Mr. Snugglebottoms to get sad anymore. (Mr. Snugglebottoms) just needs to rest because four days ago we used Mommy’s tazer to help him get through the maze we built for him. Then we fed him chocolate. Mommy has a tazer in case Daddy tries to look for another Mommy again.”
The children’s lawyer, Glenn Prescott, has filed a motion with a Florida court and made an appeal to government officials to have the water bottle placed back in the cage.
“The parents of these children are doing a terrible thing. They are playing God and deciding who should live and who should die,” said Prescott. “We have here statements from several different physicians saying that Mr. Snugglebottoms is alive and in a coma-like sleep brought on by stress and an abnormal heartbeat, possibly caused by exposure to uranium or other radiation. The water bottle must be inserted immediately.”
According to Jim Travis, in the time since the water bottle was removed, 12 different doctors and veterinarians have been to see the body of Mr. Snugglebottoms. All of which have concluded that the hamster is in fact dead.
“I don’t know what ‘physicians’ this Mr. Prescott has but all the ones that have been in this house say the damn thing is dead,” said Jim Travis. “I mean just look at the things. It’s lost most of its hair and it is seriously starting to stink. We are almost at the point where we are thinking about just going to the pet store and buying a new hamster that looks just like the old – just to be done with all of this. Then my wife and I remember that it’s not about us. It’s about the children and those children need to learn that you don’t go and hire a lawyer every time you can’t accept something. We will fight this as long as we are alive and teach those little bastards a lesson in the process.”
The plight of the Travis children has reached the state government as Florida Governor, Jeb Bush, has personally called the Travis parents hoping to convince them to reinsert the water bottle but to no avail.
“We, as god loving American’s, can’t let these parents take the life of this cute little hamster,” said Bush. “That’s why I am filing an injunction to have the water bottle back in the cage immediately and I am also planning on having the parents arrested and put to death. And I can do that because my brother runs this fucking country and some day I will… when it’s my turn. So take that Hillary!”
No court date has been scheduled in the case.
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