NEW YORK CITY, NY – Last month the Fox News channel interrupted a series of lies and conjecture to report actual, opinion-free news.

As hurricane Sandy hit the east coast late last month, Fox News broadcaster Jonathan Hunt interrupted a news story about the Obama Administrations plan to destroy the Christian church with real, honest, opinion-free news about the hurricane’s affect on cities.

CHICAGO, IL – In a recent poll of over 25% of the American population, 87% of responders said they think polls are 47% inaccurate.

WASHINGTON, DC – Republican’s in Congress are scrambling to pass a new law before the upcoming presidential election that will allow dead people to vote.

If passed, the new voting law will allow a church representative of the dead to cast a vote on their behalf.

“We firmly believe that all people should vote, even people that are no longer with us. Of course I’m talking about dead people,” said Cory Gardner, Republican from Colorado.

PALO ALTO, CA – The American Red Cross has set up a relief fund for the victims of last week’s mild wind that affected hundreds of wealthy residents in Palo Alto.

TAMPA, FL –Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney said Thursday that the real reason he has not released his past tax information is because his tax records contain the Anti-Life Equation.

“Believe me, I want to release the information, but if I were to do so, that would pretty much mean the end of life as we know it,” Romney said.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A wildfire north of Los Angeles has destroyed one of the largest teen idol factories in the country, jeopardizing the supply of teen idols.

ATLNATA, GA – People across the country remain confused and unsure how to feel about the recent flooding in the south east as no celebrity has commented publicly on the event.

“I, I just don’t know what to think. I just saw the news and it looks really bad and stuff but what does George Clooney think about it?” said Iowa resident and occasional news reader, Glenda Herman.

CASPER, WY – A local man told friends and family this week that he is ready to get serious about his bucket list.

ORLANDO, FL – Although her family members and friends have tried to explain it, local Grandmother Helen LaFornte doesn’t understand “the Kony thing.”

DALLAS, TX – Bullies across the United States have banded together to call for an end to the call for the end of bullying.