Qanon Revealed to be Mountain Dew Marketing Campaign
Published October 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.
Poor Rating May Force Networks to Cancel The Donald Trump Presidency
Published January 2019WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.
World Still Does Not Know Who Let the Dogs Out
Published January 2017LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been 17 years since the question was first raised but investigators and the general public are still unsure who let the dogs out.
Report: Clinton’s Email Mostly Twilight Fanfic
Published September 2016WASHINGTON, D.C. – The investigation in to Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email during her time as United States Secretary of State has revealed more than 80 percent of the emails sent or received by Clinton were Twilight fan fiction and pantsuit catalogs.
“(The FBI) reviewed all available emails and while we found nothing to indicate a violation of any law, we did find a shockingly large number of Twilight fan fiction stories and pantsuit catalogs,” said FBI Director, James Comey.
Gypsy Responsible for Trump’s Sucsess Found
Published February 2016SPRINGFIELD, KY – The gypsy behind Donald Trumps continued political success has been located and captured by Federal agents.
“We can proudly say that this nightmare that we’ve been living the last several months is almost at an end,” said FBI Special Agent, Carmine Caruso.
Group of Pedophiles to Help Find Missing Nigerian Girls
Published May 2014ABUJA, Nigeria – In what is being seen by many as a “last ditch effort” to find the kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls, the United States has committed a new group to aid in finding the young girls.
Cardboard Box Mortgage Rates, Number of Foreclosures Rising
Published December 2007CLEVELAND, OH – As forecloses continue to haunt the housing market, a sharp rise in cardboard box prices is making it even more difficult for families to find a place to call home.
Santa Claus Arrested In Decade Long Counterfeit Sting
Published November 2005NORTH POLE – After several years and hundreds of man hours, the Federal Bureau of Investigation said Tuesday that they have made a single arrest in one of the biggest counterfeit goods operations in the world.
Student Arrested For Creating Weather Changing Machine
Published January 2005WALA WALA, WA – After an intense investigation by both the FBI and INTERPOL, officials from both agencies have announced that they have arrested Oberon Junior High student Adam Kent, 14, in connection with several high profile weather related crimes, including the recent tsunami in Indonesia.
Smokey The Bear In Custody
Published July 2003PORTLAND, OR – The hunt for one of America’s most well known bears came to an end last Thursday after a stand off that lasted nearly 10 hours. For the last three weeks, the combined forces of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Forest Service have searched nationwide for Smokey the Bear. Smokey is accused of setting forest fires in Arizona, Utah and Oregon.