PORTLAND, OR – The hunt for one of America’s most well known bears came to an end last Thursday after a stand off that lasted nearly 10 hours. For the last three weeks, the combined forces of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Forest Service have searched nationwide for Smokey the Bear. Smokey is accused of setting forest fires in Arizona, Utah and Oregon.

Smokey was arrested outside the Happy Camper Diner located 50 miles east of Portland. Witness accounts report that noticeably agitated Smokey entered the diner and forced all customers and employees to leave. Barricading himself in, Smokey refused to give himself up to authorities threatening to kill himself rather than surrender.

“We can’t release all the information yet but we have several key pieces of evidence that link Mr. The Bear to forest fires in several U.S. states,” said Forest Service spokesman Jerry Wills. “We located him thanks to an anonymous tip and pursued him to this diner where Mr. The Bear took refuge. After a 10-hour stand off, F.B.I. negotiators successfully talked Mr. The Bear from the diner where he was then taken into custody. We are questioning him now. Let me be the first on record to say that while Mr. The Bear may seem cute, cuddly, lovable, I have seen his wrath first hand. He is a monster, plain and simple.”

Over the past ten years, Smokey is believed to have started 17 forest fires resulting in over $1,000,000,000 worth of damage.

“Ever since he got laid off from the Forest Service, you know, he was doing those crazy ass commercials and shit, well… when he got fired, he just kinda lost it,” said Smokey’s brother Cinder the Bear. “He’d come over to my place, get all liquored up and say he’d burn up the whole God-damned country just to show (the Forrest Service). Then we all just lost track of him. He stopped coming home and stopped calling. We thought he was dead until we saw him get arrested. He’s changed man. He doesn’t look like the carefree, loving bear he used to be.”

Shortly after the first of the year, Smokey was spotted near the scene of 3 separate fires. His presence alerted the authorities and Smokey soon became the focus of the investigation.

“Things just started falling into place,” said Bill Jakes, representative for the FBI. “Once we had eye witnesses pinning Smokey at the scene of these crimes, we knew we were dealing with an extremely dangerous animal. Me, I saw it coming a long time ago. Think about it. A bear, wearing jeans? He’s a bear, he has no shame. They shit in the woods for Christ’s sake. And did you ever see Smokey with a woman? I didn’t. All those years of his little bear cock rubbing against that denim had to drive the poor bastard crazy.”

Smokey was unavailable for comment however, his attorney did release a statement written by Smokey declaring his innocence.

“I have loved the forest all my life and I would never do anything to destroy it. BURN! How could I hurt my family and friends by destroying their home? BURN DOWN THE WHOLE GOD DAMNED PLACE! I am innocent of the charges against me and I am confident that a jury will do the right thing. FUCKING BURN EVERYTHING TILL IT’S DEAD! BURN FIRE BURN!” stated Smokey in the message.