TOP STORY

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has spent the last several weeks planning a trick-or-treat route to ensure he gets “only the best” candy on Halloween. “Trump has made it clear that his number one priority right now is putting together a trick-or-treat route that will ensure he gets good candy, like full candy bars or really expensive candy,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
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CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has pulled its new Measure app from iPhones and iPads after thousands of men complain the app does not accurately measure the length of their penises.
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DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.
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Teppanyaki Chef Halfheartedly Performs for One
Employees Agree HR Guy is Creepy
Dress Code Forces Man to Dress like an Adult
Teen Still Waiting for a View on His Fornite Video

• Universal Studios Faces boycott
  
• Survey: Truck Owners With Big Lift Likely To Have Small Penis
  
• Boy Scouts Retire Two Difficult Merit Badges
  
• Wynn Adding Giant Masturbation Coliseum to Las Vegas Resort
  
• Retailers Stocking up on Halloween’s Hottest Costumes
  
• Funny Thing Happens On Way To Forum
  
• KFC Geneticists Developing All-Skin Chicken
  
• New Drug Offers Women Faster Orgasms
  
• Experts Offer Up Ten Ways to be a Happier Person
  
• Trump Spent Months Planning Tick-or-Treat Route
  

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• Crowd Indifferent to Hype Man
  
• Groupie Accidentally Sleeps With Bass Player
  
• Employees Agree HR Guy is Creepy
  
• Edward R. Murrow School Renamed to BuzzFeed
  
• Teen Still Waiting for a View on His Fornite Video
  
• Dress Code Forces Man to Dress like an Adult
  
• Dress Code Forces Man to Dress like an Adult
  
• Lyft Driver Almost Done with Documentary Film
  
• Fart in a Jar Prank Unappreciated by Coworkers
  
• Crowd Indifferent to Hype Man