BOSTON, MA – After an exhaustive five year study, a research team from Harvard University has been able to prove a link exists between overweight people and an “insane love for food.”

The study has overturned a decades long belief that some fat people are big boned.

“All these years, everyone has been trying to tell us that being overweight is a genetic problem, that there is nothing anyone can do about it,” said head researcher Thomas Dublin. “Now, as of last week, we know that to be complete and utter bullshit, if you’ll pardon my French. Fat people, and no I will not call them ‘overweight’ or ‘morbidly obese,’ they’re fucking fat so that’s what they get to be called… anyways, all they do is eat and they should stop bitching about how life dealt them a shitty hand. I’m, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lashed out like that. It’s just, ugh, fat people suck so much.”

Over the five year study, the Harvard team followed 52 people who struggled with their weight. The subjects were monitored 24 hours a day and extensive notes were taken during the days, culminating in a massive report.

“You know what, I’m just going to be honest with you – these people disgust me,” Dublin said. “Sorry, I need to be more ‘clinically sensitive.’ But seriously, it was bad. The women were the worst. Actually not all of them, just the young ones. For some reason, even when a young woman is fat, she feels the need to dress like she’s not. You’ve all seen this, and you’ve all wanted to stab out your eyes because of it. Seriously, these chicks could really learn a lesson from Hollywood. Binge and purge ladies, that’s what makes you look hot! Not the fat from your gut hanging over your pants. Have some god damned self respect! Sorry, sorry, I got carried away again. It’s just, ugh, fat people suck so much.”

While many in the scientific community are starting to agree with the report, some have not been as quick to jump on the bandwagon.

“Saying that fat people are fat because they eat too much is just asinine,” said Dr. Bill Green, M.D., Head of Nutrition at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. “That’s like saying meth addicts are addicts because they like the taste of meth. Sure, there are some fat people that just eat way too much of the things they shouldn’t, but those people are in the minority. There are people that have addictions to food, much like meth, and they just can’t stop. Much like meth, food can really mess you up. When you take meth, you feel really good, so you want to take more. Then you ponder making your own. You say to yourself ‘I’m a doctor, I can write my own prescription for that kick ass cough medicine that really gives the meth that extra kick.’ Then you make a meth lab in your garage, it blows up and now you have to cover the ‘accidental’ death of your wife. We’ve all been there.”

Despite any questions or disagreements to his report, Dublin is planning on lobbying Congress to pass a bill forcing restaurants to refuse service to fat people.

“I’m not saying restaurants have to ignore fat people. That’s not what I’m saying at all,” said Dublin. “I’m just saying that after they order two hamburgers, the cashier should not let them order the third. That and they should make them all drink a small diet soda. Diet soda doesn’t do shit if you drink 10 quarts of it at a time.”