NEW YORK CITY – Just two days after announcing that it will drop its current and most successful ad campaign, Taco Bell has announced that the famous “Taco Bell Chihuahua” will be gone from commercials and promotions but will soon be even closer to America’s hearts.
“We feel that it is time we move on. The Chihuahua has served its purpose and boosted our national recognition. Unfortunately, our sales are still not where we need them to be, forcing us to change some things and maybe move them around a little bit,” stated Taco Bell representative Mike Allan. “We now feel it is time that (the Chihuahua) serves another function, and that I am happy to announce is serving as the main ingredient in our new line of tacos, tentatively called ‘Chihuahua-lupas.”
The meat in the new creation will be made entirely out of ground dog meat, imported from various third world countries were Chihuahuas flourish. While Chihuahua’s will not be the only dog mixed with the secret herbs and spices, Allan promises that each Chiuahua-lupa will be at least 70% Chihuahua and chock full of “Chihuahua-y goodness.”
“Between you and me, I’m not so sad to see the little guy go, I really hated that damn dirty mutt and I was never 100% confident in a dog being our national spokesperson,” Allan said. “You know, one time, I even saw it eat its own crap. What kind of spokesperson is that, huh? Granted, many people have said that our food tastes like dog shit, but it’s not the same. It was really eating dog shit. How can you expect a company to get behind something like that?”
While Taco Bell gears up for the menu item, PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is planning to protest the use of dog meat in the new Chiuahua-lupa.
“It’s not right that all those little dogs have to die, just so some corporate fat cat can make a few more dollars,” said PETA president Joy “Moon-blossom” Lee. “I hate Chihuahua’s as much as the next person, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna go out and kidnap my grandma’s little rat-dog and serve it to her as Sunday dinner. No. The only time it is appropriate to eat an animal like that is if your on one of those reality shows where they make you eat them.”
The new Chiuahua-lupa will be at Taco Bell restaurants across the country beginning in October of this year.