WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald Trump asked the State Department to reach out to a Nigerian prince who had emailed and promised to send Trump several thousand dollars.
“The President has asked the State Department to find a Nigerian Prince that sent an email to the President,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “We sent them a copy of the email and… we… are… (sigh) looking for a Nigerian Prince that promised to give the President an undisclosed sum of money. When they find this prince, the President has instructed them to invite him here to the White House so he can ask about the money. God damn this job sucks. Why did I get involved with this? I… I didn’t know how much longer I can do this. I mean, by all accounts I should have been fired a long time ago. I, I don’t know anymore.”
According to members of the State Department, Trump received an email from a Nigerian Prince last week. The email stated the prince would send Trump several thousand dollars in exchange for a one-time payment of $1,000.00 to “get items from customs.”
“The email did not contain a lot of specifics so tracking down this Prince will be difficult,” said Vice President, Mike Pence. “But the President wants us to do it so… here we are. Please no one tell the President about the tooth fairy. If you do I will personally come to your house and blow you up. Don’t tempt me, you know I am a man of my word.”
Trump sent the sender of the email personal information, including his social security number, and transferred the $1000.00 to the account listed in the body of the email.
“I did it, I did everything that he asked me to do, because I’m the best at following directions,” said Trump. “No one has ever been better at following directions. That stupid… jerky guy Mueller wasn’t good at following directions, otherwise he would have stopped his stupid, fake, um… dumb, and…uh… e-legal investigation. Stupid, dumb jerk. Witch hunt! But I’ll be getting money soon so that makes me smarter and better than Mueller. ”
Trump says he has not heard from the Nigerian Prince since sending him the money and information requested prompting Trump to contact the State Department for help.
“Yeah, he wants us to look into it, but, you know, we don’t really want to,” said a senior member of the State Department, Ned Charles. “In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last two years, you know that (Trump) is stupid, stupid man. Look at it this way. My grandmother, who’s 94 and suffers from Alzheimer’s, didn’t fall for this bullshit scam. Yet here we are, trying to deal with the fact that the leader of the free world had bought it hook, line, and sinker. You know, I used to be a respected lawyer. Now… Now look at me. I’m tired. So tired.”
Trump has been advised by his cyber security team that the email is likely a scam but Trump has ignored the advice.
“Once I get my money from that Prince guy, I’m going to build the best wall I can,” said Trump. “But not the wall you’re thinking of. No, this one will be around Mueller’s house. See how he likes it. Yeah, it’s going to be the biggest, best wall ever and (Mueller) will never be able to get past or, or send any me messages through. I’m the greatest at revenge. Stupid, jerky Mueller.”